knew my wife 16 years......married 11. So yeah I know how hard it is. In the end....we now make better friends than we ever did. The hardest part was accepting that we wont get back 2gether. You need to move for yourself and get strong again. I remember reading posts about how others moved on or got past the "acceptance" stage......and now here I am posting it to someone else. Its hard amigo.....trust me I know its hard. Just stay strong and keep coming here for support and read our journals.

It's hard not to have that false hope Scott. I too am clinging to that same thing. My husband sends mixed messages all the time we are at the beginning stage of separation. But it's hard to really believe it's happening while they still live with you and continually say they aren't sure that splitting up is the right thing to do.
The only way I have been hanging on to my sanity (what's left) is just to keep in mind that we ARE splitting up and to be prepared. It works most the time for me, but I'll admit there are weak moments. It must be twice as hard for you, given you have 2 young children involved.
Keep your chin up and best of luck to you in finding peace.
Sherry

I have been fighting with false hope for awhile now. Iam coming to terms with acceptance. we must accept life terms for what they are today. that is permitting us from being happy. its tough there will be moments of clarity however and you will see that this is the start of a new chapter in your life. Full of hope, newness and optimism. May not be what you want but (and im not the most religous person) but it is gods will. Good Luck dont worry bro im in the same boat as you but im starting to progress

I am feeling the same false hope. My husband and I are seperated for only a month but I have begged and pleaded for him to give our marriage another chance. We were married for 26 years and wham he just hits me with this. I still love him so much but he says he has moved on. Good luck.

Just finished this mess yesterday - stbx finally says "no" to reconciliation after leaving me hanging for over a week with my e-mail request. He just wanted me to be "nice" to him in front of the kids. I have cried my last tears and have decided that I need to move on - after 18 years of marriage and 2 wonderful kids. The kids know he is a jackass because I have given him many more chances than he ever deserved.

Is it really false hope? I have been struggle as well. Holding on to the past like it was going to come back, but if the past is where you want to go then you may still end up in the present with the same problems. You can not force her to do anything you can not expect her to feel your hurt and want to work it out. I still have to face and accept that she has moved on emotionally right now. I can not allow myself to drag myself down even further in hoping that this woman I call wife is even thinking about me anymore. She has proven it in her actions and behaviors. Even now as I write this I want to believe but I am not going to compromise my belief for her or anyone I just need to tweak them a bit. I wish you to find the answers and peace that you seek.

this is me...on a dialy, sometimes hourly basis...

false hope
acceptance of the end
false hope
acceptance of the end
false hope
acceptance of the end...

and so it goes...

when ya'll figure out how to really accept...will ya clue me in?

hope is dead! is was crushed, then thrown in the trash with my heart

Even after 15 months, finalization of the divorce and two seperate affairs that he has had with women from the internet that hope has still not gone away for me. I hope that he will change, I hope that God will work a miracle in his life. I know I should stop hoping that. It is more hard when the ex keeps giving me reasons to hope and then changing his mind. I guess I just have to move on. If it happens, it happens. I think that is time talking.

I have a friend who is not on DS yet but he is going through what you are going through. He has know his wife since they were 18 (33 now) and now with 2 girls under 3. They have shared a family and house but that is it. He is struggling with what to do. He would like to work things out but she is not.

He loves his kids and does not want to leave them. What do you say to that person to help him?

You just haven't quite reached the acceptance stage yet. You will, and the future wont be as bad or as bleak as you might envision it to be. It is very hard to let go, but don't let go of your kids in any way shape or form. Fight for as much of them as you can get! They are what matter, they may be small, but they can carry you through.

But, if you need that final push, go ask your wife if there is any hope left. Hearing it from her, in the here and now, might help you to go forward.

I know how you. I accept it one minuete. then dreaming we are going to get back togeather another. I hope i can let go soon. because he has moved on.

I love my children and want the best for them. I have some tough decisions to make about how to procead. Mediation or layers. Partial custody. The kids living under one household or moving them back and forth. My wife who works too much and travels and makes more than me and is the one wanting to end our marriage is also wanting me to give up the house and let her have the mortgage and I help out every day with the kids and cleaning the house and child support and the kids live with her only. I would have to be nuts to cut my balls off like that.

scott, i know how badly you want to work things out, i would like to too, however, when you do push, you do push them farther away. no one can tell you what to do or how to feel. seek counseling for yourself. one day at a time. this is not an easy journey we are all taking, but being here for me has made it just a bit easier. i hope yours starts to become easier, step at a time.

Boy I get that one. I think it just takes time to stay into the reality of how things are. For me it just hurt to much and still does sometimes.