People do make mistakes. There is the expression, once a cheater always a cheater. But I think people can and do make mistakes.

If you love her, and she loves you, I believe your relationship deserves a chance. But, I would keep my guard up for a while. Appropriate boundaries.

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater, but I would want to be absolutely sure that the reasons behind the first "cheat" are not still lingering...

I don't think its stupid. I used to sometimes wish me and my stbx could get back together.
I know its hard but you have to try and move on. Could you ever trust her again?
I don't think I could ever trust my stbx.
If you do get back with her, I would get couples couseling.Hugs to you!

Misstakes do happen....you have to follow your heart. If you still love her and she still loves you....take is slow. Get counseling and makes sure she knows it will take awhile to get your trust back. But one is never cray foir wanting to save a relationship. It is never wrong to love. People can recover from this. But it takes alot of work.

(((((((hugssssssssssss)))))))

Boy I hope not because if so then I am right there with you. Mine cheated on my for a lonf time and I mean long. That ended and he says that he want to try again and that he understands what went wrong and is willing to try to fix things if I am willing to try. Will I ever be able to trust him again. To be honest I don't know but I do know that I still love him and I think if I don't give him and me this one last chance then I will regret it. Its hard to just throw away 16 years together.

every relationship and person are different. but i don't suggest you going into the relationship thinking roses are in bloom. You have to be honest with yourself and each other and work on what was broken intiially. Give it a shot but don't expect it to be this grand thing without working to make it happen.

No you're not stupid. People make mistakes, people can change, and people can forgive. Marriage is a commitment that's worth the effort.

7i years of marriage and I know that I did my part to screw things up but I never went outside of the marriage. I wish I could just drop it and move on, but, I love her so much and she says she loves me. I feel like its fake if she loves me how could she do this to me?

Sorry "17 years"

My ex cheated.... I got the whole spill of how bad she felt.. Blah blah blah, and how much she loved me...........

She cheated a second time. Everyone is different, I would be careful, your emotions are at stake.

the issue is... people don't cheat without a reason...

someone has emotional issues or physical issues(hate to admit it but some people are vain) or spiritual issues.

The other option... which is my case... they cheat because of how their particular illness works... BiPolar is a common one.

if you get back together without discovering the reason for why she/he left... then you are more than likely going to have to deal with this again...

if you do find it and don't deal with it adequately, its still sorta likely that it will happen again...

if you find it and you fix it, there's still no guarantee..

then there's my case... the only guarantee is that she stays on meds and gets counselling... otherwize she IS guaranteed to do it again..

its hard to trust and to love... but God can give you the strenght to do so if you want.

I agree with TesC. People are not infallible - we're human - we're flawed - we make mistakes. Sometimes we learn from them, sometimes we don't.

If she's willing to give it another try and so are you and that's what you want and feel you can, I think it's worth it. I would, however, go into it with the caveat that counseling is a MUST. Once there has been a breach of trust to that degree, it's helpful to have a professional kind of guide us back to a place where hopefully the trust can begin to be built again. And it's not going to happen overnight - it will take time - perhaps a LONG time and you both need to understand that. You can't just forgive overnight and have everything go back to how it was. It will NEVER be how it WAS - but I think with enough effort and love on both parts, a new kind of trust and love may be forged.

Good luck to you.

I know the reason. I am a combat veteran and have PTSD, I isolated and slide away into depression and dispair due to the things i have seen and done. She said he showed her the attention that she wanted from me and it went from there.

Mrjosua...

then you need to work with her to try to get "back into the marriage"

And YES!!! i know how hard it is and i know that it takes time sometimes, if at all, to get there... but if you want your wife to come home to you, you need to give her hope that things will get better...

Its my experience that just knowing that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and that you are committed to being your part of your relationship may very well be enough for her to hold on...

acknowledge how you've hurt her... because by withdrawing from her, you HAVE hurt her and quite badly so...

be open with her and be willing to take rebuke from her if she sences that you're slipping back into your ways... PTSD is not irrecoverable... but it will affect you for a long time... but its how you learn to cope, WITH your spouse that will make the difference for her.

get counselling for both of you... she will carry guilt over her cheating and you will hold some bitterness over it as well, whether you realize it or not...

if you are both dedicated to strenghtening your marriage and are willing to work together, sacrificially for one another... you WILL succeed...

trust the Lord to restore what you cannot... He is the Great Physician and he wants your marraige to be restored to fullness.


because i work with the military and i have many friends who have

There is a site here called "Rebuilding Marriage after Infidelity". You might want to take a look there. Good luck to you.