Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

10,269 Members
99,391 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Friend's opinions (VENT!!)

deleted_user
deleted_user
WHY is it that friends and family feel obligated to give unwanted advice about the way I'm handling my divorce?! While I understand these people have my best interests at heart, I am doing what I feel is right in this divorce; not having been through something like this, that's the only way I know how to do it. For whatever reason the majority of those close to me seem to think that I should be furious with him, curse him up and down and never have anything to do with him again. You would think after seeing our relationship over the past 15 years, these people would realize that it will never be that way with us, and we don't want it to be. We are handling this the way we've always handled our conflict... we don't air our dirty laundry, and resolve whatever it is between OURSELVES!! Getting divorced is hard enough, why make it harder by being unnecessarily ugly about it?! Not to mention that telling me I'm doing it wrong doesn't help either!!
I know this approach doesn't work for everyone, but that's the only way this will work for us in the long run, and I'd really like the haters to BUTT THE HELL OUT!!
Dun4now
Dun4now
Most of my friends feel i should be angry and upset at my X also. but i never was in the past and cannot start now either. I still love her, and will be there if she needs help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Very simple response:
Opinions are like....... Everybody has one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
This sounds so familiar for some strange reason...

http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakups-Divorce/forum/2538996-my-dirty-little-secret

Guess I've been on DS for too long...
deleted_user
deleted_user
The few people I had told, family, all wanted me to be ugly. I had to keep reminding them that I had 2 children with him , dumbass or not. I totally can't even talk to my mother about it. She has had 2 lawyers or I should say sharks, call me. She wants to nail stbx, because she didn't do it to my father. She says she regrets it. Well I don't think I will. Unfortunately for me, stbx has turned into a complete ass. So now it is not going nicely and I have to fight with him. But I won't tell her that. Sorry, I know the uncomfortable feeling.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know what you mean D. Me and mine are not big on letting others in our relationship either. I know it drives my family nuts, but we are both grown, and have the capability to do these things on our own. Besides, and most importantly, it's nobody else business. plain and simple. You do what you gotta do, and don't worry about the rest. I know it's hard when folks are standing there looking at you like you have lost your mind, but the biggest thing I have learned in my long relationship with my husband, is do not put out there what you don't want others to talk about, because sure as the sun will rise, they will. God knows they will.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Exactly, Elizabeth! I think that's why everyone was shocked when we announced that we were separating, because we always kept what's between us between us. And Noreen, my mom has been the same way... first thing she said was "But he took vows!" I had to remind her she did too, and that isn't always the guarantee that it should be!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Pastafarian, I still think that was some of your best work. Told a friend about it the other day. Too funny!
deleted_user
deleted_user
If you want to keep it between yourselves and be have it not go the ugly route, more power to you.

My and me ex are doing it that way, we are not keeping it closed off, but that is just our choice. I have to literally tell some of my family that if I am not upset with her, and I am fine with what is going on, why the hell do they have to get all pissed off about it.

Listen to their advice, but do what is right for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lets face the stereo type is you hate each other and you should be hammering each other every chance you get. If thats not happening then you are very lucky. I guess family and friends didn't know you as well as you thought they did. I barely hear from any of my family, its like you can catch divorce or something. I guess you should also be glad that they care enough to at least try and be there for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree duped.. That made me roll when I read that from pasta..
Steve, if only all spouses were so kind., what a better world it would be.. You are one of the good guys.. Kimmee
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • carrie415

    Widow/Widowers Traveling/Cruise Trips??

    Posted by: carrie415
    Last Reply: Myfavorite
    11
    I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: lovesloons
    11
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...