Yep...that's what it feels like I've been hit by. So, I've waited all these months for today...for my moms estate to be settled so I could file for divorce. After leaving the courthouse I told stbx that I'd gotten notification that the divorce papers were ready to sign. To say the least he freaked out. Made me pull the car over so her could smoke, then he got back in the car and told me to drive him there. It was reasonably ugly but papers were signed and lawyer says it will be final tomorrow. Afterwards he had me drive him to work, I dropped him off and once I got myself home I had a total breakdown...not a minor one but I total like who am I screaming snotty breakdown. Where did that come from? I hate that I hurt him, I hate that he keeps saying his life is over, I am relieved...I feel like I'm going to be able to move on, be happy, live again...I am angry. I am sad. I am sleepy. I want to celebrate. I want to laugh and cry. I am not hungry but ice cream sounds great. Oh, yeah, so because this all kind of happened back asswards we still live together...in fact he's here now...asleep. He went to sleep as soon as he came home. To be honest, I'm not sure he's really slept much since last Thursday when he got picked up by the cops. So, are all these emotions I'm having normal? I'm feeling really lost and really alone...perhaps because I haven't told anyone. And because he wouldn't really let me have any friends. He thought he should be enough to make me happy because I was enough to make him happy...so unhealthy.
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