Wow another long weekend with sports running a mile a minute. Took the day off from work just to catch up. BUT wow I really notice how I stay busy just to avoid making a decision about filing for divorce. Yes I really know I'm done with the marriage and my therapist said just because we're staying busy and not fighting doesn't mean all's well which I do know it only takes a instance before we're at each others throats and she also says the kids are living waiting for the next bomb to go off. So why can't I seem to just do it!! I'm soooo scared of being the bad guy to my kids. I know my son especially see's how unhappy we are as husband/wife. It's sad when I talk to him and say buddy you know I really want you to know this isn't a normal relationship with so much fighting and constant sadness he replies mom I know I won't have a realtionship like this. BUT hell whatelse does he really have to go on, he's only 11 years old. We dont' talk hardly at all unless about kids, or our business. I'm angry all the time about anything I see him do at the office another reason I'm off today! How long can I stay like this!!
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