
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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My wife has decided on divorce. We are at the stage of "what do we both want?" We have kids and assets, blah, blah. I do not want the divorce! She had an affair and say's "I just don't love you like a husband."
My question is why should she keep my name? My argument is you want out fine, but you should you keep something that you don't want to be apart of?
Next question is why should I have to pay for child support if we have decided it is a 50/50 split. All assets and debts will be split, and the kids will alternate complete weeks with us. My argument is she has the same opportunety to make a living as I and she wants the divorce!
Why should I keep on being penalized for her wishes and desires?
My question is why should she keep my name? My argument is you want out fine, but you should you keep something that you don't want to be apart of?
Next question is why should I have to pay for child support if we have decided it is a 50/50 split. All assets and debts will be split, and the kids will alternate complete weeks with us. My argument is she has the same opportunety to make a living as I and she wants the divorce!
Why should I keep on being penalized for her wishes and desires?
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I can understand your frustration. Personally I would love to change my name immediately. My husband hurt me very badly, and I don't relish the idea of keeping his name. But I have decided to keep it at least while my daughter is young, to make it easier for her. My divorce petition says that I can change my name when I want to, and I am sure I will in the future, but for now I want things to be easy on my daughter.
As for the child support...I can understand that, if you are your stbx are splitting the child care responsibility 50/50, and you each have the children for equal amounts of time, paying child support might be frustrating because it may feel like you are carrying more than 50% of the financial burden for those children. If the child support comes out to be more than 50% of the care of the children then I would have a problem with that. Have you spoken with your attorney about it?
Remember, though, that no matter what happens your children are not the cause of the divorce and they should not suffer for it. They should be given the best care that each parent can provide, and they will need all the love you can give.
Best of luck.
Child support - in my state, even with 50/50 custody, if there is a great difference in salaries, the spouse making more $ will have to pay the other spouse something. I think this is to equalize the standard of living for the kids.I guess they are trying to avoid a situation where Daddy lives in a mini-mansion and Mom lives in a slum.
DID she have the same opportunity as you to make a living? Was she a stay at home mom? That will set you back years in terms of salary and job opportunities. I know, I have an MBA, worked 10 yrs, stayed home 9 yrs and am having a heck of a time getting back in the workforce. Unfortunately, child-rearing is not considered a career enhancing move.
Even if she did work, usually women with children don't climb the ladder of success as easily. Most moms aren't going to work 50-60 hours a week like my STBX did. I 'enabled' him to be as successful as he is by being the one who took on 80% of the child-rearing responsibility. Even though we started out in the same career field with the same level of education, I will NEVER make as much as he will. Just food for thought.
And where is the moral justice?
You are going to have to make peace with the fact that child support payments will have to be made. Just keep reminding yourself that it is for the kids, and hopefully with time and htat thought, the sting will lessen.
Beware of lawyers because once they smell blood they want to fight and fighting cost money.
Take care I know it sucks, but there aint nothing we can do about that...
Most states have a formula that they use that comes up with a figure for child support based on how much both parents make and how many children there are. This formula is adjusted to take into account how much time the kids spend with each parent.
If your wife makes less $$$ than you - you will likely have to pay her child support.
Do I think this is fair? No. I think it is sad that the person wanting out (i.e. tearing up the family) is entitled to as much assets, etc. as the person putting effort to save marriage. I also think it is sad that some spouses walk out of a marriage and take their kids with them and leave the other parent without their children - VERY SAD!
About the child support. You say your stbx has equal opportunities to work as you do. But has that always been true? Did she stay home with the kids when they were little? If so, she has less work experience than you do and that hurts in the salary area. Also, was she the one who took off to take them to doctor appointments, go to school meetings and be a room mother, etc. If so, she also probably was not in a position to move up in her career. These are just things to think about. I know in my situation, I stayed home with children for 15 years. I am limited in the time I can work because of responsibilities I still have to meet for my kids. This past year I earned almost exactly the same amount I earned 20 years ago - the year I got married (at the end of December). What would I have been making if my career had not been interrupted? Probably about 5 times that amount. I also did not earn retirement 'credit' during all those years, so I am waaaayyyyy behind the game. Just some things to think about and see if any apply to your situation.