my stbx and i talked on phone last night and she said she doesn't think i truely get it that we are never gonna be a couple again. so i should stop acting like it.welll excuse the fuck out of me bitch. she said she has been misserable for a long time now , and i have been dealing with the whole, its over over now for like a week or two. jesus fucking christ, can i get atleast 3 weeks to get over it.i'm sorry if i still love her, but i'm trying my damnest to let her be and give her the space she needs. fuck last weekend, i even put her up in a hotel for fri. and saturday night. while, although i would never complain about spending time with my kids, but after working 50+ hours last week and getting on ave. 4 hours asleep a day, maybe daddy needs a fucking break? but noooo, "i'm feeling trapped , i need MY space,i need to find out who i am." i know who you were, the one person i let my guard down to 13 years ago, the one person i trusted more then god, the one person i felt was the right one to raise 3 kids with, now this shit" fine go then!!! but nooooo again, i can't act like we are a couple, but she still lives in my house and drives my carsand sleeps in my bed.(herside never anything going on) she said it benifets both of us to be married in the eyes of ny , taxes, life/car/health isurance. i feel it's more so the kids don't get all messed up like daddy here. what if when we finally tell then the truth, that mommies feeling changed for daddy and she doesn't love daddy anymore,one of my sons ask if she gonna stop loving them too?" how do i answerthat, of coarse i would tellthem there is no way she would, but i don't know? she gave up on me, so quickly, without trying to work it out, who's to say that she gets so self absorbed that she just leaves me to deal with their (kids) pain?i'm sure it's happend before. fuck i still love her, but i don't know for how long. and i know i'm gonna be the bad guy when i ask her to leave or we both leave, cause daddy couldn't heal seeing her and dealing with her moving on and not going through all the pain i'm going through. I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!!! i'm sure one day, after i heal and move on , and i'm gonna find that perfect woman, who apperciates me for who i am and what i can give to her, and not take it for granted and show me love back, that i'm gonna look at this as the turning point in my life, but for now.FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK...At first i wanted her to be happy with me, then just for her to find whatever she's looking for, and now, i hope she grow to regret every thing she is doing right now, every waking minute, knowing she lost the best thing she ever had!!!!!!!
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