Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Fidelity Question

deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok, most of you know, by now, that my wife of 9 years cheated on me and then left with our children. She is very sorry for happened and I believe it was due to a serious struggle with depression...I am not justifying it...I just know what the cause was. It was VERY out of character for....ANYWAYS....She still loves me, but says she has to find herself, because she feels that she has lost herself...especially if she was able to do that to me. Now....we have decided on a separation....my question is this...is there normally dating involved in this phase? Should I expect to hear that about her? I am very nervous that this could happen.....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would like to think that there was NO dating involved in this stage. It's totally different with every situation. For me personally, i'm still married, and dating during separation would be committing Adultery.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am right there with you. Chances are, if she cheated, she will date while you are separated. I would ask her, though, if you want to know for sure....you just might not get the truth.

Give her the space she needs to find herself. Don't give up. Get youself help, so you deal with whatever ownership you have in the problems in your marriage (not that I am saying you did anything wrong, but it does take two). Things will get better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree. Dating while separated is cheating, no matter how you dress it up. I believe that if spouse thinks they are ready for dating, then why not just sign the divorce papers and date as much as they want.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok, well that is all well and good, but what could I do even if she did? I mean....I know that me being in the Army is not the best environment for my children, so I could not slam her in divorce, which I would not want to do anyways...kids belong with her. It is better for them IMO.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Typically one should not date during a separation especially with kids involved. In my separation agreement It says no significant others around when the kids are present. I was told by my lawyer if I get pictures with the significant other present on 3 separate occasions my spouse could go to jail. But who wants to do this.

I believe it's tacky but separated spouses do it all the time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I did not date anyone during before the divorce was final or now I felt wierd dating while I was technicaly married my x however had his girlfriends weeks after he filed
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your pain and loss are very intense right now. I wish I had some magic wand to wave and relieve it.

My opinion is that Dating is NOT involved in a seperation, especially if someone is trying to "FIND" themselves.

I have read your posts and believe that if you will stay in the pain, GOD will reveal himself to you and show you the way.
diemjs
diemjs
Dating in my state with seperation is not adultery. Thats what they told me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am from Texas and our marriage was in Texas....is it considered adultery here?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hope for you that there is NO dating...it does hurt the soul. She may feel she is separated from you which also means that she can do as she pleases (date) especially if you are not together in the home. I'd ask her to respect you and NOT date anyone so that she can truly find HERSELF! I wish I could take this fear/nervousness away from you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think in MD it is a crime for adultery with a price tag of 10.00!!!! Gotta love MD!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Married is still married - separated or not. You might want to ask her what her expectations are, though, in order to avoid being blindsided. Besides, how can she find herself if she is too preoccupied with other "things"?
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is what i have been wondering for a while. My wife told me she wanted me to get a girlfriend while we are seperated because it is going to lead to divorce. I still have this girlfriend but I don't feel anything for her and I see it as either cheating or a confirmation that I am giving up on the marriage even though my wife reassures me that it is over. I definately know now that I have to end it with the girlfriend.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you shouldn't date while you're separated. I think you should do it for yourself more than anything. It can't be good to be with someone else before you've resolved your feelings.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would not start dating. For one I am not ready, for 2, I am still married until the papers are signed.
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