Julia, from what I can tell on your photo you are very pretty. My hubby towards the end would rather had watched pornography than be intimate with me. I felt very, very unloved. He always said I had something wrong with me and I needed to change. I found out I have ADD but now I'm treated. He fell out of love with me. I feel as if I am unworthy of love as well; however, I think this is a normal pain. Its the rejection part of getting a divorce. We will move on and find somone who sees and understands us and appreciates our self worth.

My stbx tried to make me feel bad about the way I was too. He did not come out and say he wanted a "yes" wife but that was what he implied.

From the start of our relationship I was ALWAYS a confident woman. I have always felt good about myself (thanks to my mom) and told stbx that he was making the biggest mistake of his life because I know I'm a catch. I really think I intimidated him b/c of some of the things he said to me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to love yourself completely without waiting for someelse to do that. Believe me that quality will be attractive to another. And if they don't love you for who you are, then run in the other direction as fast as you can.

i have to agree, your picture shows a very attractive woman. and your lucky to get out of that marriage, he would have beat you down for sure. your strong enough to realize that you don't need that. you know your self, the things you want to change in your own life to make YOU happy. as for jumping into another relationship, i would wait a while. but thats me. and you will find someone who loves you for you.

Julia,
there is this cute saying: "let's leave all the beautiful women to the men without imagination" ;-) I myself prefer not to look into "full-sized mirrors", because I do not fancy the girl I see there. However, I still believe that looks don't matter because it is not what I will be seeking in people I can allow to be close to me.
I understand that physical attraction means more to the men, but I also quite certain that the attraction comes from within - when you FEEL yourself sexy, you will be glowing with sexiness and men will pick up on these signals. try to put on a sexy lingerie and don't show anyone - and you'll be surprised how different you will feel all just by yourself, and how those who have absolutely no way to know what are you wearing under your skirt, will find you more attractive then ever. trust me - it works and it's a great self-esteem booster. TEST it ;-) it is all in our heads and who if not us can control it ;-)
btw:my hb also mentioned that "if I would be more attractive as a women, he would never had an affair"...did this lowed my self-image? I think more it dissapointed me to see how "shallow" the man I love and respect for the whole of my life turned out to be...once I'll heal me from the break up pain, I'm going to work on my self-image more, but the reason for loosing weight should never be - because you've been told so, it should be - because you want to be healthy.

How often we women and men (including me) decide how lovable we are based on anothers's inability to love us. After being hurt so deeply it takes awhile to believe we are loveable again. Time talking kindly to ourselves and taking good care of ourselves can make a big difference. Take care and be patient it will come

Julia, I know how you feel. I get that "no one will Ever love Me...I am ugly...I give up...Just going to be the Ugly, Mom-type, Dog woman for the rest of my life" thing going on.

Then I head out the door and go somewhere.

I turn heads. I get smiles. I get flirted with. Dang, I don't EVER just get totally ignored, and neither will YOU!!!

Flirting is Fun. Jumping right into another relationship-naw, give yourself time to Meet YOU :-) You deserve that.

This is one of the stages of rebuilding that we all have to go through. Just keep working on yourself and your confidence in yourself will be reborn.

You are not unworthy of love period. There is someone out there for you and they will fall in love with YOU.

The fact you separated has nothing to do with you. If you ex does not love you that is his problem. Do not feel as if it is you. My ex was the same way she tried to change me all the time and I recented it. Love means excepting your other half for who they are. I do not believe you have the right to force someone to change if they do not want too. The can give advice but at the end of the day they should repect that and accept it. When we fall out of love it not one person it is both. at the end of the day you should not take it personal. It is not you it is just the way it happens. There is some out there for each of us. If we do not meet the right person the first time around we have to let go and keep trying. Do not beat yourself up.

I am so proud of my DS family this morning,, I could go through the replies you have had and would basically have to say that I agree with all of them! I am proud of you for sticking to your guns so to speak about not changing! You have a slight self-esteem problem and a hang-up about physical appearence. I too have that issue, however, I have learned as one reply stated, that when I put on the sexy undergarments, it makes me feel good about me and then that shows in my personality and bang,, I am dating,, not wanting any long term right now, but getting the feeling that I am attractive is great for the self-esteem!
Good luck to you and don't change a thing except your undies! I promise you are loveable and someone will come along that deserves you!
Good luck!

It's hard to feel lovable in the face of rejection and loneliness.
Love who you are.
You're a music minister?
That's awesome! and anyone who is scared by that is a fool and not worthy of your time.

I think it's time that you had a "mirror talk"
Go look at yourself in the mirror and instead of looking for flaws like everyone is trained to do,
Look yourself straight in your beautiful eyes.
Tell yourself,
"I am beautiful. I am lovable"
God made you just the way you are and he does not make mistakes.

I find that during break up times the quality of feeling unlovable usually escalates. Well, not any more. i went to council and discovered that not only am I lovable but I am worth a whole lot more than one persons opinion on matters.

Your thoughts are getting in the way.

There are all kinds of people and you will just have to take your time in finding a person who is interested in you and settle for nothing less.

Find a means to love yourself for who you are and that speaks volumes. When I find people taht want to change me I now consider this a flaw in them...a flaw that I wouldn't chose to live with and by that I mean...He who is trying to change the person on the outside more than likely requires change with in them self

Since I just broke up wit my BF I am now going to get involved with myself and friends and develop a healthier new me.
For the moment I am not worrying about
if a man will ever love me..I am more concerned with How I love myself...the rest will come later.

Fact is, People change. Sometimes they change together and lots of time they do not. You are not unlovable because your X thinks you need to change. One is not unlovable because some one is unable to love. One persons opinion is not the truth of who you are.((((Julia)))

How terrible for him to try to blame him for everything. What bs. It always takes two and from I am reading here he is a major manipulator and takes pleasure in putting you down.
You are feeling unworthy of love because of the way he treated you! You are worthy of love, there is no doubt in my mind.
I suggest that you make a few journnal entries. Think about all of your strength, write them down, make a list.
Write down all of your accomplishments. Think about that all that you have to offer in this world.
Go out and treat yourself. Do what YOU want to do, be it a trip to London or a photography class, whatever.
If you like yourself and treat yourself well, people will notice and you willwho will treat you the same way. attract people that
I don't know you that well but you seem like a wonderful person and one day you will find the unconditional love that you DESERVE.
(PS: You are a very pretty lady to boot)

Sorry, I messed up the bottom paragraph.
I meant to say that you "will attract people who will treat you the way you deserve".

I wish you all the best.

You are simply worn down from the lies. Now that you are away from them you can put your energy into the truth that you are an amazing, talented, beautiful, fun and zzzexy woman :-) You just need to take the time now to put these truths in your head. I knew someone who put self affirmations on post its in the mirror to reprogram the lies someone else told her. It was so cute! I still need to try that too - as soon as I can spend some time in front of the mirror. Take care of you now. From what the others said you need to go buy new underwear ;-) LMBO love it and in time you won't believe those lies anymore!