I am disabled and struggle with depression, several types of anxiety disorders and with ADHD. It was very difficult to cope with my disability when I was married but even more so now that I\'m divorced. I don\'t get out much at all and don\'t feel comfortable socializing. So I really don\'t have people in my life I can go to and talk with. That is other than my therapist. My x husband remarried just one year after our divorce was finalized. I did not get to stay in the house I lived in for 10 years and made a lot of home improvements to. My x continues to live in the house with his new wife. Having a \"home\" has been important to me. I enjoyed all the work I did to the house, painting, wallpapering, etc. It was a form of expressing myself. I feel hurt that my x husband made it impossible for me to continue living in the home. I feel angry that another woman lives there to enjoy all the work, sweat and tears I put into it. I feel like one big loser. Even though I wanted the divorce there are days I wonder if I would have been better off if I had stayed in the marriage and tried harder. I don\'t like living in an apartment, I don\'t like being disabled, and I really hate being all alone. I don\'t really have any family members I can talk to either. I am having a hard time trying to stay focused with my life and moving forward. I keep re-thinking the past. I have to deal with my x whether I like it or not because of our daughter and scheduling visitations. As much as I do want to break free of him, its not so easy. I also worry because child support payments come late or I don\'t get as much as I was suppose to. I keep thinking he will go back to court and have the amount reduced which will only make things more difficult for his daughter and I. He controlled me during the marriage and now to a certain extent I feel he still has control over me. One day on the phone I got angry over the child support check not coming. He threatened me by saying he would file harassment charges if I could not communicate with him in a civil manner. I just want to stop thinking and re-thinking the past. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself.
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