I am sorry for your pain. Everyghing about divorce civil or not just knocks the wind out of you.

Well being that I've been married to a selfish child for the last 20 years I don't know what a civil divorce would feel like- still I bet it hurts just as bad to see your past memories and future dreams be crushed. There is NOTHING good about feeling mad and crushed- there is NO easy way and NO winners. I'm hear for ya! Good Luck!

Yes I know what you mean because you don't have that anger every step seems fraught with coflicting emotions

I am exactly where you are right now, although it was not always this way. When I first told my ex that I wanted a divorce - it was ugly. Name calling, yelling, etc. But - he has finally accepted it and the divorce is going thru. He has said that he wants to be friends after it is final - which is fine. Trust me - you do not want the anger. It is so much harder than you might think - but - I have been where you are - and you are right - at times it just feels like it would be easier if you hated him. Not hating makes you rethink and almost regret what you are doing. I hope this helps.

I had no fights with my STBX, she just changed from a loving caring wife to someone who just didn't seem to care about me anymore. She had no desire to spend time with me and would rather spend time with her friends and the OM.

Flutter I am finishing what you would call a civil divorce. I am NOT friends with stbx but we are civil because of our children. We actually get along really well because of them.

He gave me the BS line of not being happy and not wanting to work on being married so I did feel very confused and hoped for a long time that he would come back. Well he didn't and I'm dealing with that.

But I will NEVER be friends with him and hang out with him just because what he did is so selfish and I would not have a friend like that. I did once think it would be easier if he had "cheated" on me (which he really did after we were separated and still married). But then getting a divorce for any reason SUCKS and I would still have gone through the same emotions so it doesn't matter.

I understand. My H is caring and nice to me. Not mean or spiteful. He thinks I am a wonderful woman but that we are just not meant for eachother. I also wish he was a jerk.

In many respects, we are like you. Friends, but marriage not working and not happy. Sometimes it doesn't seem like enough to get divorced for, nor enough to stay married for. So there is only the decision you make, and that is a lonely place.

Occasionally ours flares up into anger over his financial irresponsibility. That does helps, frankly, as you imagined it would. I expect it will settle into permanent civility, and that will be harder.