Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,141 Members
99,747 Posts
4 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Fear of being alone? What to do?

deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi all
It really seems over in my marriage, after 13 years together (we were very young) and, while we still live together, my husband is never ever home before 2-3-4am due to work commitments and possibly seeing another woman.
I am not used to being alone and common friends have disappeared and so have the in-laws. I was not born in the Uk and so my family is abroad. I have some friends but am disappointed at seeing how my social life revolved around my marriage, our common friends and his family. I am now left feeling very alone, abandoned by all and very rejected. While I have some really good friends, most are not in the city I live in or have left it and so it is difficult to arrange things together. I am very sociable and fun loving, but I seem to have a real need to be with people, which I am now understanding my be a fear of being alone. I will try and tackle it, but is it normal to feel this sense of loss and abandonement or is it me and my fears?
I try my best and want to sort myself out before I even think of another relationship, so that I do not make the same mistakes. I feel I am a bit of a people pleaser to and this again may be due to my fear of being alone. Do any of you experience or have experienced similar feelings? If so, how do you cope?
Thank you for any advice and have a good day.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh my god yes! We have all been to this dark place. Like you, I moved close to my spouse's family and I had few friends of my own. After 14 years, we are looking at ending this "partnership" and at first I was devastated, but now, what freedom it will open up to me. A chance to do what I want , a chance to find someone who will care about me and share some of my interests, a chance to move on.

Life if full of choices. He made his and you will have to make yours. Keep coming to DS. We are proof that the light at the end of the tunnel (or chunnel in your case :-) is not a train!
deleted_user
deleted_user
i recently have been cut off from a very long-term relationship. i moved up to where he lived and stayed with him for almost a year and am now living on my own for the first time. our mutual friends are no longer my friends, and even he doesn't want anything to do with me. i feel lost and hopeless, and even my few friends here are small consolations. i feel like i've lost one of my best friends, and i feel completely out of touch.

i guess i relate more than have advice, since i am trying to find more ways to cope with this depression and loneliness myself. i'm trying to fill up my time with activities and classes, but i feel depressed and lethargic. like, why even bother? how do you make new friends? how do you feel important and cared about again?

that's why i came here though, because it's always good to have some kind of support group, no matter what kind or where. try to find things to do to occupy your time, and hopefully you will meet people with similar interests that will help you expand your social network. if anyone else has anymore advice, i am all ears as well.

i'm sorry anyone has to go through this, but c'est la vie, right?

thanks for reading, i hope it helped, if even a little.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi. I feel the same. I too consider myself a people pleasure and sadly to say I revolved my life around him and the marriage which I have definitely have learned from. I relate to your story in that I have a very small group of friends and it has hard to fill in the void. I still live with him and it is so hard to wonder when he does not come home. It is hard not to pick up the phone to call and say "when are you coming home to me." We are not together anymore so I should have no claim over him anymore. Never the less that is not easy to sit and wonder "where is he and does he feel pain like I do?" I try to remember that I must be strong and move on. I have found myself repeating these words in my head "be strong" and also tell myself "no one is more important than me so take care of yourself." Most of the time it helps with the loneliness and anxiety. I have looked up meetup.com to see what is going on in my area but have not had the nerves to go to any of the groups I might be interested in. Not ready to talk to people about my situation yet. Have DS is comforting in that I can be home a "familiar" environment with all the changes around me. Hope this helps.

Hang in there, you are not along.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: irishwriter
    7905
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??