Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Question #1:
I'm just wondering (break-up complexities aside) whether or not you have pictures around the house of the stbx with the children (when there are children). Should the kids, depending on whose home they're staying in at the time, have visual reminders of the other parent?
Question #2:
Don't think this question to be too strange, but I'm also wondering about your parents and in-laws. What about their homes? If they had pictures displayed of the family pre-divorce, did they automically thrash those family photos, or are they still on display? Did they do it on their own? Did you ask them to get rid of photos?
What's prompting these questions is a recent observation of mine. I've noticed for some time now, while visiting with the in-laws, that there are no pictures of me with the kids to be seen anywhere in the main part of the house. There are a couple in the basement. I do believe (or am at least hopeful) that my in-laws still love and value me. But this photo question has crossed my mind that last couple of times I visited with the in-laws.
They may seem to be silly questions, but they were just my observations. I just wondered if I'm the only with similar questions, observations.
Even if I had a terrible hate-on for the stbx (which I don't), should it mean I dispose of any evidence of her in the home? I'm curious about your take on it.
I'm just wondering (break-up complexities aside) whether or not you have pictures around the house of the stbx with the children (when there are children). Should the kids, depending on whose home they're staying in at the time, have visual reminders of the other parent?
Question #2:
Don't think this question to be too strange, but I'm also wondering about your parents and in-laws. What about their homes? If they had pictures displayed of the family pre-divorce, did they automically thrash those family photos, or are they still on display? Did they do it on their own? Did you ask them to get rid of photos?
What's prompting these questions is a recent observation of mine. I've noticed for some time now, while visiting with the in-laws, that there are no pictures of me with the kids to be seen anywhere in the main part of the house. There are a couple in the basement. I do believe (or am at least hopeful) that my in-laws still love and value me. But this photo question has crossed my mind that last couple of times I visited with the in-laws.
They may seem to be silly questions, but they were just my observations. I just wondered if I'm the only with similar questions, observations.
Even if I had a terrible hate-on for the stbx (which I don't), should it mean I dispose of any evidence of her in the home? I'm curious about your take on it.
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My family is emotionally abusive, and has been for a long time. I left them to go to college and once I was away from their toxicity, It took me a few years to heal, but I eventually found myself again. I identified the situation, accepted it, forgave them and moved on.Because of this, I rarely visit my family, but the few times I have since I graduated have been awful. Every time is a cycle of...
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Some days are better than others..but on days like this I am left feeling angry. Is it okay to be angry? Is it okay to want your abuser to endure the same things they did to you? Does it make me a bad person? I know violence is never the answer, but on days like this I want him to feel the same feelings he made me feel. How scared I was, how hopeless I was, and just that gut wrenching feeling of...
My STBX is mentally ill and his life is in a shambles, so when I think of him, it is either to experience the exasperation that his choices stir up, or to pray to God to hold onto him and care for him, b/c he seems intent on not letting any human being (or, at least, me and his children) do that for him. So to see the photos reminds me to send out a good thought into the universe for him.
It is an interesting question about the parents' homes. His mom lives in AZ and I don't know what she may have done with the family photo we sent. I will have to see if my parents still are displaying the one we gave them at Christmas.
When I went to my ex-in-laws home our wedding picture was gone from the piano. All of his siblings are divorced and everyone elses pics are still there. I noticed and I have to admit it did bother me. I get tired of being treated as though I mistreated him or was so horrible for him. But hey, what can you do?
I have a question? Does anyone think its odd that my soon to be x hasn't asked for or taken any pictures of his kids with him. He only worried who is going to get the BOSE system!
But I did leave the collages up that included him in it. And there are a couple of others. My kids are still small, and they need to know that both mom and dad are in their lives. And that we can get along, even though we won't be married anymore.
While the whole thing is sad, I also see it as a learning experience for them. As to how to handle yourself when things go bad in life. There's a great Dr. Seuss book called Oh The Places You'll Go. I have read it to them and talked about how it relates to the divorce, and moving on.
I put together a couple frames with pictures through the ages of the boys and I. There mother was not in the pictures. I have encouraged them to keep a picture of their mother. As far as family, have a new picture done with you and the kids and send it to your family. They can choose what they want to do with it. I even put mine in a frame so all they had to do was sit it on a table.