sooner or later everyone grows up...give him a chance to...for the sake of everyone

You said a couple of months yesterday and it sounds reasonable.

Nothing an alcoholic does is rational. It's ALL about them. Dont cloud your very good judgement with his concerns at the moment.

Stick to your guns. He made his mess, let him clear it up. You are more than kind to exersize the patience you already offered.

There will always be money issues. Stop enableing him. Tell him to walk back like a man, or walk away like a selfish alcoholic. His choice.

I read some past posts you've made with all the irrational behavior, and a week on medication, or even a month, isn't nearly long enough to consider reconciling. Some major self and couples therapy needs to happen in my opinion, as well as counseling for the children.
There is much damage, and brushing it under a rug, the girls will still be mad at the father, and also resent you to a degree for taking him back with the problems not fully solved, thus creating more problems for the children as they grow and mature. If their parents can't be trusted, they can't trust other people supposedly coming into their lives as adults.
My two cents.

I know, but I think he wants to come back home now and work on himself that way. The miss fix it part of me is like yes come home now. That way I can make sure he takes his meds and does everything he needs. Also so I can get rid of this financial stress that he placed us in. The other part of me is like no let him prove himself 1st and then if he sucessful let him back.

Honey whatever is wrong with him that he needs meds did not make him cheat... he has huge issues to deal with and coming home will only compound your problems.. he is having a huge wake up call, don't soften the blow for him. he needs to feel it to "get it"

Your right. I am trying to rescue him again and I can't do that. I never thought of it that way. I think I am being selfish as well because I don't like being alone. He has spent the past 2 nights with me and I have slept. I need to tell him to stay at his place.

tell him to get
a) into counselling
b) stay on his meds
c) make a plan and he can discuss it with you but it needs to be a 6 month plan of recovery
d) advise him is he sticks to the plan you may allow him home..

He needs to commit to fixing and loving himself enough before he can fix "you" as a couple.

I have been keeping up with what you have been sharing with us Iand I do agree that he needs to keep on the meds and find out for himself just what he could be losing

Its hard not to be the one taking care of him, but he is a big boy. He will be ok on his own. The more he misses you and your girl, the more incentive he has to fix his problems.

Stay strong,...and you are not alone. We are here with you.

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I'm Bipolar, I got diagnosed after being married for over ten years.

My diagnosis was not what my (then) wife expected to land in the mix of things.

When I got diagnosed, medication was adhered to - even though I was against taking any meds. for life - but it took too long for me to get stable after spending more than six months in a Clinical Depression, where I became an absolute vegetable - I could not speak, go out, do anything... I couldn't even smile at my children !

Too much onus is put on the partner in these circumstances to become an unpaid Carer, on top of all the other things that they take care of.

It was too much for my (then) Wife, too much for me and too much for the children to be in a pressure cooker situation.

There was no infidelity, no scandal, no nothing to end our marriage. I became ill with a recognised mental health diagnosis and there was not enough help at hand, and I mean immediate help, to help us cope as a Family unit.

Society, and I mean as a global society, has a lot of expectations on the Family.

When the Family breaks down in Society, where are the expectations from Society towards the Family in respect of proper Mental Health Services that meet the needs of ALL family members, not just the person being diagnosed ?

Mental Health Services in the UK are known as the "Cinderella" of Health Services as they get least amount of funding.

And as far as I can ascertain, Mental Health Services around the world are similarly neglected.

I wish that your expectations can be fulfilled, how long it will take is anyone's guess.

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Whatever you do, try not to lose focus on the problem.

It's so very hard to give an opinion on anothers life.

May God Bless your family. Seems like you would do anything to build it up. I hope he is worthy.

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Nothing ever changes without change being implemented.

Time won't fulfil expectations on it's own.
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i was in this EXACT place last year. I know how it feels and its confusing and heart wrenching.

After I left and another alcoholic binge took place on his part and he got himself in some pretty hot water, he wanted me back. I was ready to be on my own, yet my heart wasnt ready.

A very dear friend of mine suggested that if he were willing to reconcile he would get the help he needed while i was still at a distance, rather than rushing back in. To let him begin to make his own progress and gradually get back into the relationship while supporting him emotionally at the same time.

I did NOT and SO WISH i had listened. I jumped back in and within 2 weeks the behavior was right back to square one. The gaming,porn, alcohol and infidelity. NOTHING changed and i was angrier than ever. It was my last straw.

I understand each situation and people involved are so different, but the bottom line is he is an addict. he is a "sick" person and you cant rescue him.

i would suggest what advice was given to me,I think it was very wise and with sound judgement. He needs to prove himself at this point. Words mean NOTHING. If he chooses to clean himself up and get it together and after several months you can get back into the swing of things then you are truly blessed and on your way. In the meantime you have your own place, your children have consistency, etc and you are prepared if need be.

The most difficult thing I learned in all of this,was that after a fewmonths of separation I needed as much "help"as he did. I found out that I ,in essence has become "sick" with him. Its a given in that whole alcoholic/codependancy thing. Right now I work on me,and me only. i cant do anything for him. I would highly recommend Codependant no More. I feel it truly saved me. I read it 3 times back to back. I found myself in each and every page!!!


i wish you the best in this, I've been there!

Anything is possible as long as you both work on it together- continuine to take certian steps towards recovery. On the surface it sounds like it may take more than a couple of months to work through all the stuff. Good things in life are the hardest to obtain so have patiance and a little tollerance.

It can take a long time for a bipolar person to find the right mix of meds. He must not drink. Other than that, he probably doesn't even know what his motives are.