I hate to sound brutal, but you can't. It's called free will. All you can do is take care of yourself. I've learned that.

doesn't matter what you do or say both of you have to work on the same goal. If she has given up, you can say I love you until you are blue in the face or give her 100 roses at one time it ultimatly comes down to two. Sorry I wish I could be more positive. I say this because I have been where you are it. If it was meant to be you would both equally work on it. Not being the only one trying to save a marriage. Best of luck to you

All the advice I ever hear is pull back, don't email, don't call, don't write, don't don't don't.

what's that expression they're thinking of? If you love someone, set them free, if they don't come back....


the t-shirt version has a different answer though

I agree with everyone else. You've already given her the message that you want to work things out. If she has no desire to then there's not much you can do. Try to work on yourself. Be cordial and let her see you still have kindness inside but otherwise have little to do with her. Maybe she needs to realize what she will be missing.

Try withdrawing and see if she misses the attention. Maybe she thinks you'll always be there for the taking.

The guys responses below are right on. From a woman's point of view I can tell you this...it will not help. And even if it did, do you really want a one way relationship? After 32 mariage years on a one way street, I am comitted to not having another one of those again. Too much work and too much pain. I deserve better. You do too. Why try to be with someone who does not truly value you?

I might as well stick my 2 cents worth in here.... having left stbx almost one year ago and having him send me roses... call me constantly.. beg me to come home and telling me how much he loved me only made me feel sorry for him. It also made me not want to be around him at all.... I think you should leave her alone.

I don't know the situation, but they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I kept telling my stbx that I needed time and space. I needed to find myself and just be left alone to heal. He never gave me that and it made me resent him even more.

If you can begin to heal, and reach a stage that you don't need her to be happy... then maybe she'll see the man that she fell in love with... just a thought.

You don't need to push her... if anything it will only push her further away. I do know this is true.... I've lived it.

Do you love yourself? Because that's a huge step... learning to love yourself is very important in any relationship. I'm having to learn how to do that....... it's hard.

Be kind to yourself.... you deserve to be with someone that truly loves you.

I am sorry, but I have to agree with the others. If your wife is finshed, you will just have to accept it. Even if you did convince her to stay in the marriage, what would you have then?

i am in a similar situation we have been going for 3 months but this morning she agreed to counsling and later i took her to the mall then dinner but she has made it clear that it might not work I just hope i am not being used, after the counsling session she told the receptionists to get us back in for another appt. asap I was shocked maby shes coming around but they are right i cant push it give her space!!!

Try moving out. Living there is going to drive you crazy. I've often thought about what I would do if and when we separated. Living in the same house would not be an option.
it sounds like her mind is made up. the more you do all these things the farther away you will push her.
hang in there. we are here for you.

My situation is different but, I agree with the others. I just left a very abussive relationship. Now, he is calling constantly and begging me to come back. He says he is going to go to counseling. Pleading with me to tell him what he can do to make me change my mind.
I had left many times and gave him many chances to stop physically and verbally abussing me. He made many promises, that he didn't keep. Now, his eagerness to get back together is only making things worse. I have made up my mind. It is over now. Give her some space and if it his meant to be she will come back. I know you are hurting but, I think you can do alot better. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. I wrote this on another Post. I heard this at a Domestic Violence meeting, "You can have respect without love but, you can't have love without respect." I hope that helps you as much as it helped me. If you need to talk I am here for you.

Your friend,

Lisa
abusehurts

Hi Scott
I still care for my ex so I know how you feel. I keep thinking "if only I had done this or that...lalalal". However, there was such a blank stare in my ex's eyes, that I truly don't think there was anything I could have done to save what he was dead set to do. When love is gone, you are just beating a dead rag. Don't stoop too low, look in her eyes, if you see emptiness, it's over. Start the mourning and healing process. It huurts, but each day is like the unfolding of a rose petal. Good luck.

Work on yourself and even if she never changes her mind, you will end up a better and stronger person in spite of her choice. Don't let her take your dignity too!

I almost always advocate for the marriage. I would suggest reading Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, and For Men Only by Shaunti Feldham. I know some just can't be saved, I hope yours is one of the lucky ones.

I agree with Becky...of you know what led to the seperation, work on that part for whatever role you might have had....the rest will be in your wife's hands...I HOPE it works out for you!!!!