Separated July 1st - Divorce to be final December. Wife has completely alienated my entire family as well as prominent people within our community from me. I am not innocent in this in the fact that I left and soon after, I made a close friend. We had been married many years, but we stayed together for all the wrong reasons and we (both) have taken steps to get out, including her cheating last holiday season for three months, but found life to be too hard independently, mostly because of finances. We have children and the children are foremost the priority. My wife has taken this terribly hard and feels as if this action by me has hit her out of the blue. As a result, she has done everything to ruin me - telling lies, telling truths that has accumulated over the years that are actually worse than the lies - Just spreading any dirt she can as we all have dirt. I have not been part of the bad words and have never said anything negative about her to anyone (except professionals such as lawyers and therapists), including the children and I have never defended myself against her words even though the majority are highly distorted and many are lies. But, I have lost all - my choice as I left her - but the children. I feel terrible, guilt ridden - but am not going back. However, I want to support her, make her life easier. I just don't know what else I can do, if anything, to allow her time to grieve, but to also make sure that she is being a mother to our children. I have given her everything because of guilt, I have no assets as I gave all to her, but she continues to make poor decisions and when the negative ramifications fall upon her, she blames me. I give her (rather the children) everything to the point where I am told that I need to look out for myself a bit and not sign over the entire farm. I see my children very regularly, and I feel that they have accepted the new dynamic and adapted and no red flags are going up as of yet except that the oldest are always being "grilled" for information and being dumped on by my wife. I feel terrible as people important to me say that I should have stayed in the relationship for the children, but I felt that I was literally dying - the end did not hit over night. I want to help her and the children and have been showing as much stability as possible. What next? I don't know if my guilt can take any shots, if giving parting shots, please know that I have been called it all as I don't defend myself and tell anyone the dirt of our marriage, so all thought it was perfectly content and no one saw the problems - So of course I am the cause and she is milking it for all its worth. Stats, filled out divorce paper work five times, filed once prior to this, separated three times, slept in a different room the majority of our marriage, cheated once by her and once by me (after separation currently), both thrown out divorce and hate too many times to count, verbally abusive (both). Any advice if you read this book would be appreciated. I just want to make sure that my children have the opportunity to be happy and that my wife is functioning - she is a good woman and deserves to be happy. Thank you.
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