You have a right to be upset, but since you refer to him as your soon to be ex, what's the problem? You're divorcing, are you not? I'm not trying to make you even more upset, but the realization that the marriage is over is sometimes hard to swallow. Especially if you weren't the one initiating it. When did you 2 decide on divorce? And if he wants out wouldn't you rather let him go than try to hang onto someone who can't be there FOR YOU?

Yes, it is. Oh, I think they realize it. Boss and underling is a common, er, coupling.

NO this started before I filed, I just did not realize that was the prblem

could be just Friendship, no?

But sharing things with her that he is keeping sectrect from me and making decisons that effect OUR lives is not right!

Then if this started PRIOR to your filing, then be GLAD you are GETTING OUT. If he isn't there for you, if he isn't taking care of what you need him to take care of then you are better off without him. I know I am better off without mine. It's going to be ok. Realize it's just anger and that you have a RIGHT to be angry, but then LET IT GO. It's not worth the headache/heartache and all the misery that being angry does to your body and well being. Let it go and be glad you are moving on ! GOOD LUCK!

No.

My stbx has had 2 emotional affairs in the past 3 years with men from her work. I am coming to the conclusion that the thrill of the new exciting person is what attracts her, the so-called discovery phase of a relationship. She prefers that rather than the same man she has been married to for 15 years. He's boring. He comes home from work and looks after our son, he sometimes cooks dinner, he sometimes falls asleep exhausted at 10 pm, he gets our son up in the morning at 6, he makes his breakfast and his brown-bag lunch for school, etc. How can anyone feel anything for such a bore?
Yes, your stbx is is emotionally cheating on you. Instead of talking to you about your relationship, he would rather spend time with someone new and talk to her about your relationship.
As the song says, Na na na na, hey hey, kiss him good bye.

My husband (he hasn't filed for divorce yet)is having an emotional affair. He says that they are "just friends". I saw him kiss her twice at the parking garage at work. Yea, friends. He says that she has nothing to do with our marriage ending. I said that she sure does. If she wasn't in the picture, he might have been willing to work on our marriage. She is filling him full of all kinds of stuff. Her marriage is ending as well and he is just being her friend in all of this. Yea right.

I think that an emotional affair is worse than a physical one.

Don't even get me started. *sigh*

I agree with Bella though, be glad that you've already decided to leave, because when you want you relationship to heal the pain is almost unbearable

In my opinion this is the worse type of affair,I am going through the same thing. Although we have not officially filed for divorce it is on the horizon. My husband talks on the phone with this woman for hours on end but can barely say two words to me or our sons, he says that he is not willing to give up this FRIENDSHIP and that I need to give him time,the sad part is that I am still here. After 15 years of marriage I should be the only person he says his intimate thoughts with,when that stops then that spells the end of the relationship.

Yes, I got the I need time too. He has been living at his parents house the last 3 weeks because he needs time to think!

He says that he is emotionally detached from me. My comment was, yea if you are having an emotional affair with someone else, you are right, you are emotionally detached from me. That is your doing. If you would talk to me and confide in me, then maybe there wouldn't be such a detachment.

Exactly! What they do not realize (or maybe they do) is that when you bring someone else into the picture it will only complicate matters and that they are the ones who LET someone come into the picture. This tells me that my husband was actively looking for someone to confide in when I was there all along. I belive they think that the grass is greener on the other side but I am not going to sit around and wait for him to find out if that is true or not. I know that you should not do evil for evil but it makes me want to go out and find a friend that I can TALK to but I have to be the stable one for the sake of my children.

Oh yes they do realize it, Thats how my husband started his affair he said they are just talking. She tracked him down after 21 years and when I asked him to stop he did, but then she kept calling him and finally he gave in and the affair started and now he left me for her. So they do know what they are doing alright.

I think an emotional affair is the worst of any kind. When it is just sex, that is all it is. Emotional affair I think is more lethal to a marriage then anything else. Believe me my husband has cheated on me 4 times and this emotional affair he is having is more painful then anything else he has ever done