Please allow me to get a bit sappy here. I just got home from a 10-day trip with my kids to see my family. The trip was a mixed bag. I had a wonderful time with my kids, and it was such a good experience for all of us. And my kids had a wonderful time with my family. Many of my DS friends know that I have a very mixed up family situation and many of you provided wonderful support during my trip. My extended family is wonderful and I am very close to some of them, but they also think that I am a train wreck because of the divorce (which I initiated) and I was feeling a bit discombobulated during the trip, trying to set the compass back to 'normal'. By that coming to terms with the fact that the life that I worked so hard to build as 'normal' did not work out, for reasons that are very complex and complicated, and that I am trying to sort out, and that this trip brought home some. The trip also involved visiting the town where my ex and I lived for 10 years, where my oldest daughter was born, that we moved away from 9 years ago and that she wanted to see. I realized I have not done all of the grieving I need to do for the loss of my marriage. Do we ever? I have been doing very well for the past year since my divorce. The anniversary was in early July and that was fine, but this trip was harder for me than the anniversary. I do not grieve for the loss of the relationship itself, but for the loss for my children. I wish they could have had 'normal'. But does anyone, really? Now they are with their father for a week; I have never been without them this long. Anyway, I journaled throughout my trip and the support of my DS friends was a lifesaver. This weekend I've been looking at the support that we've all given each other, that you all continue to give each other. The kindness and generosity and caring of the words that we share with each other. I am so glad to have found this place and the wonderful friends that I have met here. I hope that we all find the happiness that we deserve. Though I don't think 'happiness' is really something we can strive for, but rather, or at least, peace and grace.
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