
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

deleted_user
Hey Guys. lately, I've been seeing a slew of threads about how DS is changing and how we are not being supportive enough to newcomers. Also, what I hear a lot about are "cliques" that we seem to have here. I would like to open up the floor for discussion on this because either I'm too blind to see these "cliques" or I'm apart of one. This might be a little confrontational but if we're gonna keep talking around the issue we may as well clear the air and discuss it like the friends and family we are.
We all have our own friends here. We pick and chose who those friends are. No one here has everyone on DS on their friends list. If I am apart of a "clique" it would probably be those friends. Some of us connect and grow closer than others. There are few (if any) equal friendships in life, I don't understand why DS is expected to be different.
Let's talk about it.
We all have our own friends here. We pick and chose who those friends are. No one here has everyone on DS on their friends list. If I am apart of a "clique" it would probably be those friends. Some of us connect and grow closer than others. There are few (if any) equal friendships in life, I don't understand why DS is expected to be different.
Let's talk about it.
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I by no means am trying to avoid or exclude people. I just do not respond if I cannot relate to a topic, have no expereince or nothing productive to add.
I am by no means cliquey, or trying to be.
Having friends on here is nice, it's a way of getting feedback on your journals and other things that other people might not notice.
But the other part is not calling your "friends" out when they say things that you know are just plain wrong. Part of being someone's friend is being supportive, yes. But I've seen threads and hugs where people "rallied the troops" behind a poster, when an objective point of view would have said to let them go on their own.
Homogeny is destructive in relationships; everything's static and no growth occurs.
Some are intellegent, some play games...just like real life.
I found that the majority of the pple here are open to comments and want to join into the dialogue. Yes, like in life we tend to converse with those who are on the same page as us, pple we feel comfortable talking to.
Perhaps what some pple see as a clique are pple who are comfortable enough to have fun and playful banter here in the forums. Most of us have never met each other, or ever will, but we are at a stage where we can laugh again, smile again, joke around and open up to others, it is all good.
For me, well I left the community because I needed to distance myself from the community before my head imploded. Two separate occassions within 8 days where two DS members made broad statements, threats of a restraining order in one case, horrible and cruel remarks in the other case.
This is where some of the statements of pple not being supportive stem from. People who have an axe to grind with someone, either their spouse or a genuine concern or fear of another member... either way.. broadcasting accusations and making harmful comments for all to see is not what pple come in here to see. We have enough drama, hurt and pain without being drawn into someone's personal battle with another member.
I cannot believe the whining and whimpering that goes on in here. Sure, it helps for a little while when you just need somebody to sympathize. But it's not healthy in the long run.
I'll disagree with ABorden's statement "But the other part is not calling your "friends" out when they say things that you know are just plain wrong. Part of being someone's friend is being supportive, yes. But I've seen threads and hugs where people "rallied the troops" behind a poster, when an objective point of view would have said to let them go on their own."
I believe you're a better friend when you stand for something. And you make your friend stand for something. Patting them on the back when they're lying to everyone else is not supportive. It's delusional.
And that's the main reason I'm no longer a member of this board. There are cliques. There's the "men bashers club". The "women bashers club". The "other spouse is a bad parent club". The "blow jobs don't count as sex" and "viewing porn is the same as cheating" clubs.
And then there are the people who agree with anybody - hoping they can have a little romance on the side here. Oh yeah, you got the bipolars than can't take the heat on their boards any more so they come here to stir up trouble.
Did that cover it?
Many chat on Chatzy, so they spend more time conversing than threads allow.
If you're in a Clique, can you Change the Channel?
I think you misread what I said.
I am all for calling your friends out/not ignoring it when they say things you don't agree with simply because you're friends with them.
Support, yes.
Condone, no.
Does that make it a little clearer?
Here's the suggestion: if someone has a beef with a poster, a discreet hug be used, as opposed to a shout that the rest of the family will hear.
In my POV we are all going through pain and hurt...yes I have been very disheartened because there is whining sometimes and I hate whining. There have been times when I have to back off because I think I'm being too hard or too liberal with ppl. I like the idea that we can have a variation of conversations here; I appreciate the "dirty" threads because they make us remember that part of ourselves and sex is healthy. When a cruel stbx comes to the threads to bash someone I appreicate rallying in support of our fellow DS'ers state of mind and privacy.
Personally, I have more of an issue with answering the same questions over and over. I understand new ppl don't know we've covered certain ground. I am a cheerleader for finding your own strength, personal growth and personal bests. But sometimes (especially lately) I don't feel like being a cheerleader and that's simply me being honest. I'm always supportive but a cherleader these days..not so much.
I do think .. well.. somewhere in my cultural and religious background that I am not allow to partake of Pork...hmmm... hmmm.. not Halal or Kosher you know.. unclean..
moving on.. wait.. is that BBQ I smell?.. pass the pork ribs please Brian.