Last night I hit my husband below the belt and I never do that. He said he may be deployed again and I said good. (Thinking about him being out of my hair and the $ and stuff, not about him being in danger.) I feel horrible. I wished I could take it back as soon as it was gone but I couldn't. Then I apologized for what I said and told him i didn't mean it, that no matter what he's done to me i don't want him to go back there. and then hours later I sent more stupid crap about wanting a booty call but then not cause I wouldn't want him to cheat on his gf with his wife and then that he was crazy to leave me... Urgh, I still feel sick, vodka is not my friend. He finally wrote back at 1am said fu** you and that he hopes he gets deployed and dies overseas just so I feel like shi* for the rest of my life.
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