I just let my stbx back home against my better judgement. Ive been completely defeated and have given up. Everyone who I thought would support me is clearly on his side..or to say, doesnt think I could make it alone w/my kids. So I guess its better to be miserable but be married, then happy and surving but alone. Im pissed at myself for giving up but I cant take the emotional abuse and guilt from my family anymore. Im so exhausted. I told my male friend today..(someone who said they werent going anywhere, somone who said theyd be there if I needed anything)..about how I caved. He's no longer my friend. He told me he's done. Ive come to realize that maybe a part of me fell in love with him during all this pain, all this drama..part of me felt stronger knowing he was there. And now Im hurt doubley. Im back in a loveless marriage with no support and now I feel even more alone because the one man I started to trust has thrown me away too. Clearly I dont deserve to be happy. Ive been doing nothing but crying for days. I just want to disappear.
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