I am nearly back to where I was 8 weeks ago because today my father, the last person I felt I could rely on and who cared about me, has made me realise that even that relationship was all in my head. I thought all the time my mother was being selfish and thinking petty thoughts about people and not coming to see me at xmas and new year (my birthday) - and thought my dad, who has always seemed to have me on a pedestal, understood my pain and loneliness. But my brother is over from Australia till next week and with my parents and I rang to tell my dad I was upset because he hadnt come to see me either, though was in the area to see friends, and that they all should have come here at Christmas because I was working and had the room for them all. And then my dad comes out with some ridiculous statement about how last year they had visited me for one day at xmas with my aunt and I had spent the whole time talking to her and not them....as if justifying why I had been left alone this year when my husband had gone. I was stunned - I didnt think he had such silly vindictive thoughts about me. This is the last man I thought I could trust with my life and when I need him he is referring to some event a year ago. So no one, no one, really cares deep down. I give up expecting anything from them. I bought their house goddamit when they were bankrupted. My brother did nothing for them. Im tired of being let down by everyone, it must be me....it just must be something people see in me they dont like.
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