I have never posted before. 18 months ago the woman I had been with for 23 years ended our relationship. I was 59 years old. We had a son born in 1995. She was 39 and I was 46. I received social security but also worked on the side. Well when our son was born after three months Teresa went back to work and she handed me this three month old baby and I found out what it was to be a housewife and a mother. WOW it was a job. I don't think I put him down for the first year but I raised him and I think I did a great job. He is 14 now and doing great. Here is the problem, it hurts and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. There is no adjective I can think of to describe the loss I feel. After a year I met someone else and it ended up that we are living together only five minutes away from my ex and my son. Although, after being alone in a room for a year my situation is a lot better I am still so empty and want both her and my son back its not going to happen. We are not at war there is no screaming of fighting I stop by the house. You know I am really fumbling here trying to share feelings. I did not deserve what she did, and I can't understand it and the one thing she will not do is talk about it. I am a wreck inside and even being with someone else helps all that I am is back with my son and my home and this relationship can't go anywhere because I can't get over the loss. I was no monster, I was a good guy with a good heart and I cared. This was a big step for me just to post. If the song "Its Too Late Baby" by Carol King comes on the radio the tears start to flow. From going to the divorce support group I learned a lot, there were other guys like me. The hurt and the loss is so visceral and deep and I keep waiting for it to let up but after 23 years and raising our son the loss is like having a splinter in my soul. If I were reading this the question I would ask is "Hey buddy you must have done something" I wasn't perfect but man I did not deserve what I got and I guess if there is a point to this post beside just being able to express that I can't believe the pain is just as strong as it was the day she asked me to leave, IS acceptance. I can't do a damn thing about how she feels, I have sure changed me and she sees that change. In the divorce group there was so much hate and war between so many of the couples and we didn't have that so what happen. If its OK I am going to try to share that. If there are any other guys out there who, for lack of a more precise word, have been dumped, and genuinely feel it just wasn't right and have been living with that deep loss and pain right below the surface everyday your not alone. How do you understand when someone's feelings just change. I say again the one thing I learned is you are helpless in terms of making anyone feel anything, you can only control your self. In the time we have been apart I never let it get to a war. There has been no ugliness. I am living with another women and it is a brother and sister thing because thats the best I can do, and had I not met her I really think I would have lost my mind. Another relationship so far hasn"t been the answer. I still go up the house and fix things, see my son constantly, have gratitude that the breakup didn't turn into the rage I saw many of the women had in the divorce group and when I heard the stories of why they broke up, what their spouse did I thought whoa! I didn't do any of that stuff. I am trying the best I can to continue to adjust but whoever did create us threw in a real mess when we were stuffed with both intellecut and emotions because they are always at odds. I can tell myself all I want with great power behind the thoughts "It happened its over it doesn't look like its coming back, you have to accept what you cannot change so get over it", and then I will call up the house to talk to my son and the feelings just destroy the logic after hanging up the tears will come again. This is so hard to write, for me anyway, because I grew up tough and hard and here I am reaching out from the heart and saying my breakup still hurts to the point of tears. To anyone who reads this and understands let me know it would help, again from the heart thanks. I want to throw out this caveat, I am not looking for a companion but I sure could use a few friends. Thanks luxx
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