In early February, I had a perfect life with my fiance. We were buying a house in May, and getting married in Jamaica in September. All of a sudden, I developed panic attacks. I didn't know what they were, or what brought them on. We made several trips to hospitals, clincs, and doctors to try to figure it out. My symptoms pointed to all kinds of different things. Fianlly I was diagnosed and medicated for panic attacks and epilepsy. Problem was, the meds weren't working and the attacks got worse to the point that I had to take a leave from work and couldn't drive leaving hime to do all the errands and such. Finally, to make a long story short, because I became so depressed at home all day I began drinking wine heavily to cope and sleep. That was when he left and called my parents 700 miles away to come help me. They came and my therapist told them there was nothing they could do to help, so they left. I felt I had tried everything to get better and nothing worked, so I attempted suicide, and nearly succeeded. Now, I live with my parents, and miss him terribly, and feel terrible about all he had to go through when I was in the hospital seeing me near death so many times. I beg him to look at me before I was sick and the love we had, but he says he can't see past the pain of what he saw in the hospital and the fact that I saught that as a way out. I am getting all the mental help I need, and am confidant that I will be the girl that he fell for. I am just truly scared that I will regret losing the love of my life forever. I would do anything to go back to February and start over again.
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