My ex has never thought of anyone but himself!

I've gotta ditto courier on this one. Mine always was selfish, just got more glaringly apparent with the divorce.

I don't know what she's thinking. I never brought it up, she didn't. We talk about our son and any ways she can think of to ask me for more bucks.

I agree with Courier, my ex is thinking only of himself. He doesn't give me a second thought. His motivation for his actions is to better his situation, nothing more, nothing less.

What I wonder is, maybe I shouldn't be posting all this information. I joined here with my MS community name, and really don't know if I should be saying too much about her or the case.

But I Think we may have quite a different situation than, I dare say, most everyone else. Nobody seems to understand WHY I'm doing what I'm doing. I get a list.. I'm too nice to them, I'm paying way more than I should, I'm making it easy for them, yada yada yada.

The first thing I read when I googled up divorce sites last year I didn't understand for a few months. Someone was saying their stbx made him pay for this, pay for that, more and more. He said that for the situation he was now in, it was Worth Every Penny. A few months later I realized, me too.

I don't know what will happen with the decree though.. if I am really paying a lot more than I should be, where is she doing to get the difference?

Well, I had to learn to do for myself, I guess she'll have to learn how to find better/more/higher paying jobs.

It is there way of justifying their guilt. Sense they cant feel it like it is normally felt they turn around and say hurtful things and I believe in their mind they are trying to get us to feel bad when they cant or are incapable of feeling the guilt they know they should be feeling.

Have to go with Courier on this, it is mostly a selfish act.

I like to think he is hurting but I don't think he is. I have hope that one day when he realizes what a jackass he is that it will hit him then and then he will know the hurt I am going through now. Don't know if it will happen but I can hope.

They only care about themselves! You are giving them too much credit!

Yes, I think my separted H does this. Mostly because he is passive-aggressive and wants me to make the decision. And a part of him thinks I would be better off without him and wants me to agree.

He's probably right, but getting there is hard.

gotta to agree with the group.
If the ex-is trying to make it easier on us toget over them by being a jackass-why didnt they think about our feelings before they went out and cheated and lied and deceived.
No, they're just selfish.

Yeah, well, there's that too. LOL.

My stbx is in no way hurting other than being scared for herself and what she is going through and what might happen to her. She has not yet said she is sorry for cheating on me or asking for the divorce. Matter of fact she has even asked me why I am so down. HELLO!!! You just hurt me and am throwing us and everything away!! She is happy and has no remorse. She can't wait to move to California to be with her new man.

My STBX was a very loving and caring person. Then the OM and an abrupt change in attitude. Perhaps the best defense is an aggressive offense. I don't know, and it really doesn't matter. There is NOTHING she could say to relieve the pain. The point is she wants to move on and my job is to get to the point where I care so little about her that I don't care what she does. Time will allow her to fade and be gone from memory.

I think it's mostly selfishness and action reaction mechanism. Most folks leaving are more focused on getting out and getting what they want. They arn't interested in anything else. Your feeling ...never considered. If he didn't do it in the last years of marriage most likely not doing it now.