Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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do i give another chance?

deleted_user
deleted_user
i have been married to my husband for ten years and i just dont think that i can put up with his shit anymore, he is mean to my daughter who he addopted when she was two, but he is not mean to the twins at all, we have been fighting for about a year now, and i cant take it, he does nothing with me and the kids, but if his friends call he leaves. he is always telling me what to do or what i cant do, i dont need a father i need a husband, i have kept this a secret for a while now that i was going to divorce him, but i finaly told him today and now he wants to try harder, which we have done many times before but it just keeps ending the same way it is now, i love him but im not in love with him any more should i go for my gut feeling or should i give him another chance again...please help
deleted_user
deleted_user
Counseling! If he isn't willing to go...then I say pack it in. People are creatures of habit and repeat behaviors. Sorry to be so blunt, many of us here have given our x's and stbx's chance after chance, only to have them do the same things over again.

Sorry you are in this position.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i did offer to go to marrige counseling and he laughed and told me that maybe i should go cause im the one who needs help not him
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with counselling. But if your not in love anymore it makes it hard. Ive found that once the "in love" feeling was gone that I could never really get it back, I could only fake it. With my experience, men rarely change their ways without help. Hope everything is better for you soon. xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Go with what you feel in your gut. It tends to be right
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd say laughing at you for suggesting counseling would pretty much tell you how HE feels.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If he's refusing counseling and blaming everything on you how can you try harder. It takes two and no matter how hard you try, unless he's trying to make things better nothing will change. It wouldn't hurt to go to counseling on your own. It might help you to see more clearly.
deleted_user
deleted_user
if he laughed at counseling -he doesnt sound to me like he wants to try
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
I agree with Southern, wouldn't hurt you to go to get some clarity. Perhaps if he sees you going he may be inclined to give it a try. If after going to counseling, you still see no improvement, then you can leave the marriage knowing you tried everything.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now.
BirkenstockBabe
BirkenstockBabe
Oh my gosh, my husband said the same thing about counseling--I was the screwed up one not him, even though he screwed 5 hookers and a stripper!!!!!

It's really uncool that he's mean to your daughter after adopting her.

My husband also tells me what I can and can't do--watching tv, listening to the radio, going shopping, seeing my family--he even got mad at me for buying really cute clothes for our daughter for 75% off because he said I was making him feel like he couldn't afford to pay full price!

I say trust your gut....if he thinks you're the problem, he's not likely to be willing to make any changes.

You need to protect your daughter, too--I thin she will traumatized by him treating her differently than the twins.

Take care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi mommytwins
I would say follow your gut feelings
If he laughs at counseling, well there you got it.
You will be better off without this man in your life.
Hugs!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
What he says doesn't make sense. He is going to try harder but you are the one that needs help. Nope. It doesn't make sense.

I always recommend meeting with a lawyer for a free consultation. They can give you information on what you'll be facing. And meeting with a counselor to help you work through any questions or doubts you might have. Between those two, I think the answers will be more clear to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Go to counseling by yourself then... Maybe that will give him a clue? A counselor might give you some insight on how to handle the situation and make contingency plans if it doesn't work out. No matter what you have to protect your adopted child.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd go to counseling. Find a really good marriage therapist. I'd also go to divorcecare. When I went they was a woman there trying to decide if she should end her marriage. I also agree with the free consultation with a lawyer.

If you're going to counseling and after a few weeks he doesn't show any interest, your therapist will be able to help you decide what to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the replies all sound the same... My exhusband also laughed and told me that I was crazy. Funny he was the one with anxiety and lots of issues.. and was the one having the affairs... I would try again the counselling idea but do what you feel is right for you... don't listen to anybody else... the grass ain't so green on this side either....
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