Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

9,279 Members
98,961 Posts
2 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Despair, loneliness, heartache

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so new to this. My husband and best friend of 10 years decided and that he just "wasnt happy" anymore without giving me reason. He began drinking heavily about 6 months ago and became very disconnected...not coming home, coming home incredibly late and absolutely wasted...it was horrible. I felt him slipping but I thought this was due to stuff happening around us, not necessarily between us. We were having some financial trouble, he lost his job, I had a year long unpaid internship...I know all of this seems difficult but I thought that as long as we were together we could beat out any obstacle. We barely even fought about it. We even went to couples counseling and I thought things were getting better...at least we were communicating.
Then I was out with some friends and saw him walk in the bar with a girl...and confronted him when we got home. He became physically abusive and I ended up being very hurt...physically and emotionally. He has never even made a gesture to that nature in 10 years...never even kidding around. I believe that was desperation feuled by alcohol. Since then more horrible things have come to suface and I am stunned. I feel as if I have been gutted about 50 times over.
The divorce is going through as I type this now and he will probably be served today or tomorrow. I hate this so very much...I miss him terribly and I feel to alone. I hate night time, and I have horrible thoughts then. I do not want to be alone and I feel robbed of the things that I loved most in life. He is even being horrible now...no remorse...no sorry...no nothing. How can he just wipe his backside with soemthing that I have held so dear for so long? Did I mean nothing to him? Even if he wanted out, there was a better was to go about it than this. I want the pain to end...and it seems like my questions have gone from why to how...and no one has any answers. How do I get over him when he has been my second thought for 10 years +? How do I learn who I am when I have always been a part of us? How do I make the pain stop?
deleted_user
deleted_user
The abuse you have suffered is unfair, uncalled for, unjust, and down right mean. You seem to have a grip on the situation, being real with yourself is important. My situation, is similar. I didn't suffer from pyshical abuse, but emotional abandonment is scarring too. As much as I loved him, after what he has done to my spirit, self esteem, pride, faith. I can't accept it. Even for love. I wouldn't be able to rise above the selfishness. Just focus on yourself right now. The first 90 days are brutal. I'm in 36. So I also have alot to think about. Be strong and remember he left you, you didn't quit. We're all here to support you on this road.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know it's tough. I'm going through the same emotions you are right now. It helps me to try to focus on myself and look inward at the things I have done that contributed to the problems in my marriage. I've started up old hobbies I had before we got together, and that has helped a bit. Are you a spiritual person?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Is there a possibility that your husband is an alcoholic? I had to divorce my alcoholic/addict when he started drinking and then using prescription drugs. It is very painful and very confusing because they are no longer the man you married. It was a very hard decision to make for me, VERY HARD and painful but I had had enough and I had given him enought time and chances. Even though I wasn't ready emotionally, I filed and our divorce was final on 3/14. It is very hard but times has helped SO much. The grief was horrible but it is getting better every day and I feel like I am just beginning to come out of the other side. We were separated for six months this year and last year for a little while so it has been going on for about 2 years. If he has a drinking addiction, you might want to try Alanon. I am very sorry you are going through this. I am unfortunatley, way too familair with it but I PROMISE you will NOT always feel this way. It is just a tough road right now. Not a permanent condition.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry. I was married for 20 years, dated for 6 years to my high school sweetheart. Things changed over time, but it suddenly "hit" (literally) me, that he had been cheating on me the whole time (phone records, hotel receipts, emails, etc.) and when I confronted him about it, he became physically violent. I cannot diagnose, but it sounds like he is in denial and trying to keep you "in you place." YOU WILL SURVIVE. SCARY?? Oh, yes. BUT, you will make it...
deleted_user
deleted_user
im sorry to hear what you are going through
i also am going through the same thing its hard after 20 years with i person you think you know them them all of a sudden their not that person anymore my husband really hasnt given me real reson for moving out he says their isnt any one else but really find that hard to believe. i love my husband and would take him back in a heartbeat,he never abused was a good provider, good father, wonderful grandfather. im so lonely mostly at night when it time to bed most of the time i sleep on the couch becuse it hurts to much to sleep in the bed alone. im not a very stronge person friday i found out i have a small tumor on the outside of my intestine and it hard to deal with that without him by my side. i thought drinking would help with pain but i found out that i only mad it hurt more made me think about things i souldnt think about so today i made a promise to myself and my kids to stop drinking its going to be hard but i have it do it if i want to be here for my girls, and my 3 grandkids. well thats all i have so for tonight. keep me posted on you and i will keep you posted on me. my prayers are with you
Clear
Clear
My heart goes out to you...check out this website, it has helped me, hope it will help you too!

http://gardenglories.com
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • joannklingaman

    Grief

    Posted by: joannklingaman
    Last Reply: MrsMorris
    10
    A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
  • ainteasybeineazy

    It's my Birthday and no one cares

    Posted by: ainteasybeineazy
    Last Reply: karendee
    42
    Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...