I am so new to this. My husband and best friend of 10 years decided and that he just "wasnt happy" anymore without giving me reason. He began drinking heavily about 6 months ago and became very disconnected...not coming home, coming home incredibly late and absolutely wasted...it was horrible. I felt him slipping but I thought this was due to stuff happening around us, not necessarily between us. We were having some financial trouble, he lost his job, I had a year long unpaid internship...I know all of this seems difficult but I thought that as long as we were together we could beat out any obstacle. We barely even fought about it. We even went to couples counseling and I thought things were getting better...at least we were communicating.
Then I was out with some friends and saw him walk in the bar with a girl...and confronted him when we got home. He became physically abusive and I ended up being very hurt...physically and emotionally. He has never even made a gesture to that nature in 10 years...never even kidding around. I believe that was desperation feuled by alcohol. Since then more horrible things have come to suface and I am stunned. I feel as if I have been gutted about 50 times over.
The divorce is going through as I type this now and he will probably be served today or tomorrow. I hate this so very much...I miss him terribly and I feel to alone. I hate night time, and I have horrible thoughts then. I do not want to be alone and I feel robbed of the things that I loved most in life. He is even being horrible now...no remorse...no sorry...no nothing. How can he just wipe his backside with soemthing that I have held so dear for so long? Did I mean nothing to him? Even if he wanted out, there was a better was to go about it than this. I want the pain to end...and it seems like my questions have gone from why to how...and no one has any answers. How do I get over him when he has been my second thought for 10 years +? How do I learn who I am when I have always been a part of us? How do I make the pain stop?