it is 13 days since my husband left me. He has already signed the house over to me and received his cheque for half the equity. The first few days I thought I would die...I walked around my house almost having convulsions, gasping for air, shaking uncontrolably. One of my customers came to my house and just hugged me and cried too because she had been through the same thing. She bought me vitamins and cooked, and rang me several times each day. Other customers kept ringing. I drove 8 hours to my parents place and did not get much sympathy from my mum who thinks I should pull my socks up and put some make up on ...as if that was why my husband left. My dad was unable to hug me as we have never been tactile but I know he sort of understood my pain. I couldnt get over the guilt, that my depression and moods drove my husband away...until I rang my neighbour who told me how my husband had squashed my personality and been horrible to me for a long time, etc etc...I felt a bit better and I drove back to Kent yesterday. I felt stronger, another customer came round and cooked and we drank wine. My friend had lit my fire for my arrival. another customer is bringing some wood round for me. When I woke up this morning the house was quiet and empty and the aching sadness returned. But it is day 13, I am still here. I hear that my husband has still continued with his golf and going to the pub where he sits laughing and joking...like I never mattered. I wish I could feel angry as it would help, maybe that will come. I wish there was a local support group for people like me...I may start one because now I know this is the worst thing in the world being thrown away like nothing.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??