I've seen several posts on dating after seperation and divorce. A friend sent me this in an e-mail and i thought i would share. No offense to the men.....some of us ladies have been in a vulnerable state after divorce. It applies to men too - some women are players as well.


Hi Believer70,

You are a pretty lady so naturally all the creeps are out to get ya. Hope this helps! It's from "A Daters Guide on How to Spot a Player!"

"If you've been dating, especially on the internet, this is an important guide for you. Some players are so good, you need some tips. So here they are:

1. He or she falls very fast and very hard for you. This at first is flattering. But think about it - is it normal? In a normal relationship, a man or woman moves at a gradual pace to "get to know" the other person. They will call up for a date, if the date goes well, they will ask for a second date. They will probably call you prior to the second date (they should, anyway, to make arrangements). But if they start calling or text messaging you every day after that first date, it's not normal. Don't be flattered, be wary.

2. He or she asks too many questions about "what you want in a man/woman." Someone might ask you this casually, to find out what you're looking for, that's fine. But when it becomes the Spanish Inquisition on the first date - look out. He or she is not interested in finding out what you want - he or she is finding out what they have to pretend to be to "get" you.

3. He or she has had too many "stalkers" or people who were "obsessed" with him or her in their past dating relationships. Gosh, they sure hope you aren't like that. I have been dating on and off since I was 16. I am a half-way decent looking woman. I have never had anyone "stalk" me. Why? Because I was honest when the relationship ended and told the other person so. Sure, there are nuts out there who don't take "no" for an answer and persist, but stalkers? Not too many. Stalking is a crime and not as prevalent as the player would like to believe. Sure, he or she could have met someone who was a little "off." But to have too many people "obsessed with them" or "stalking" them is a sign that he or she played them and the victim just wanted to find out what was going on. Chances are, he or she, dropped the "stalker" like a hot potato, after he or she got done playing the game with them."

4. He or she becomes jealous or possessive too soon in the relationship. And in a normal relationship, anytime someone becomes jealous or possessive is too soon. The whole concept of having a relationship is trust. If this person doesn't trust you, it means you can't trust them. The player imagines that because he or she isn't honest, the object of his game isn't honest, either.

5. He or she runs hot and cold. One minute, they are ready to commit to you for life. The next, they are telling you to see other people. They are giving you a huge signal here but you have to be able to pick up on it. They want you to be there for them, but they want their freedom, too. That way, when they are tired of playing with you, they can always fall back on the fact that they told you that "you could have seen other people." They will forget the times they committed to you. Or say they were only joking.

6. They have too many friends of the opposite sex. The player likes attention, very much. But he or she can only feel gratified if they can get it from the gender to which they are attracted. These "friends" are usually people with whom the player has played but who haven't had the brains to get rid of him or her. There's nothing wrong with having friends of both sexes, but when a man or a woman has only friends of the opposite sex, it's strange.

7. They are cold or uncaring about a past relationship that they ended. Most people with a conscience feel bad about hurting someone's feelings. The player will profess that they "hate" hurting other people's feelings, but their actions will be completely the reverse.

8. They start talking sex too soon. This applies to a player who is a man. If the player is a woman, she will start talking about money too soon. She might even hit you up for a loan. Word of advice to both men and women here: Women: Don't have sex with someone unless you are 100 percent sure that they love you and have professed it and aren't seeing anyone else. This isn't the way to go about "hooking" a man. It will only make you feel used. Men: Don't loan money to anyone you've just met, especially over the internet. I think men are preyed on even more than women on the internet. Please don't believe someone who has fallen in love with you instantly who lives in Russia but needs money to get out. You'll never see the woman, or your money again.



9. Usually a player becomes a player because of gross insecurity. What do they do for a living? Are they happy with their life? Have they gotten over their past marriage or long-term relationship? Have they even had a marriage or long-term relationship? If someone is over the age of 40 and has never had a long term relationship, that's a big red flag. They don't want one. If a man or woman is divorced for 10 years and hasn't had a relationship since, another red flag. They are content with the single life. They might try to convince you that you are "the one" to get the out of it, but in reality, they are perfectly content with the status quo.

10. This is the biggie - you catch them in lie after lie after lie. A good player might have the brains to write everything down. But a bad one will just forget that he or she told you the night before they had to go visit a sick friend and when you ask about the friend they tell you that he or she is on a cruise. A player is not an honest person. In fact, lying is almost second nature to them. If you catch someone in a cache of lies, don't ignore it; confront it. Chances are, the player will see that you are on to him or her and move on to the next prey.

There are internet sites that post photos of men and women who are players. You have to take some of these sites with a grain of salt; you never know if a woman was played or just scorned. There is a difference. A man might simply not be interested in a woman anymore, for whatever reason, and he breaks it off. She's angry (hell hath no fury) and decides to post his photo on "dontdatehimgirl.com." This doesn't always mean the guy is, what used to be called, a heel.

Realize that a date is not a commitment to marriage; it's just a date. Unless you are exclusive with the other person, you have no right to question their whereabouts. A man or woman isn't a "player" unless they attempt to play with your emotions; unless they try to get you to fall in love with them while having no regard for you. People usually do this to boost a poor self-image. That's why, when you're dating, you can avoid a player simply by having enough respect for yourself and a positive self image. And realizing that there are worse things in life than sitting home alone on a Saturday night.