Deb, yes, I know what you are feeling. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It is all a part of the healing process. It has it's "ups & downs" unfortunately. I know you feel like there is a big empty spot inside you right now. That is normal. We all feel/felt that way. Just concentrate on YOU!~! "Keep Your Chin Up!~!" I'm praying for you!~!

Debbie, I can feel your pain. Things will start to look brighter. I already feel so much relief. It is so nice not to have to be around that anymore. You are a wonderful person. You will definately give and feel love again. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We are going to get through this. We deserve to be happy. GOD BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOU PAIN.

Lots of Love and Hugs,

Lisa
abusehurts

Just so you know its not a chick thing, I feel damaged to, raked over the coals and stomped on like last weeks trash.

Like a few of us here the thought of opening up again is not the biggest thing in my life because I am still greiving the loss of my marriage Just getting through each day right now. ps, we are bruised but not broken, changed but not reduced

Deb, I can totally relate to how you are feeling.
I know I am a damaged person. I gave my heart away completely, and it was totally broken. My fears have overwhelmed me to the point that I don't think I could trust what is left of heart to anyone else. My self-esteem was thrown out with the garbage, my passion was sapped from my soul, my happiness was ripped from my mind, and I am left with the hollow shell of a person that I have become. My personal journal (not my DS one, but a private one that I don't share) is actually called my "Faade of Reality."

I've asked myself the same question. It took her nine years to drive me into the ground and break my spirit. I feel I've nothing left for anyone else, should they even want it.
Even wanting to try seems so futile.

Deb, I could have written your post. 23years of the same crap. I finally found a way to matter, and met some really good people (we all belong to the same car club). Funny thing is they are all men, but many are divorced or in really bad situations.

I gave it all away to a selfish, emotionally manipulative bastard. But, I do believe that there are good men out there. I have met a few - guys who talk to me like i'm a person and not a nusance.

We wasted a couple of decades but its not game over, just keep involved in the real world, get out and meet people. They are not all like our STBX's

Healing comes in cycles. There really is wisdom in the expression "two steps forward, one step back." Sometimes the ratio is different, and sometimes it feels like you're making no forward progress at all, but even just writing about your feelings, like this post, is part of healing.

Don't worry about whether you have anything to share with anyone else. Your soul is still inside you, waiting for you to rediscover it.

It may take some time, and possibly some professional help, but you can and will learn to love yourself.

My therapist and I coined our own expression about how problems can feel fixed and then resurface months or years later feeling just as painful:

"Life (or what ever problem) is like an onion -- it has a lot of layers and makes you cry as you peel them off."

Feel free to message me if you want to talk more.
(((hugs))

Trust, trust, trust ... We have all been burnt and there fore our biggest question is whether we can trust again. Trust someone not to hurt us, and trust ourselves to protect us. I'm not there yet in any stretch of the imagination, but I understand the concept.

I don't think you can dismiss yourself or claim defeat until you've said I DO for the 4th time. There are many successful remarriages and 3rd's. Some people never give up.

Life's Lessons... keep doing 'em til you get em right

Yes, I think there is no way to really process a divorce without feeling that we were damaged and loss precious time. Learning to love yourself is the key. In dysfunctional abusive situations our focus moves outside and away from ourselves. We become desparate to please and be accepted and often loose this battle. Learn to love yourself and fill yourself up. Find God. Look in the mirror and say your beautiful. Make a list of things that make you happy. Then give find a way to give of yourself in an environment where they can give back...give hugs to DS'ers, volunteer at a hospital, love the babies in nursery school...do something. These things are filling me up and giving me purpose. I know I'm healing and so can you.

The good thing about damage is that it heals. Although you may not feel capable of healing the hurt you have been dealt, you will be surprised at what the human heart is able to heal. Someone will be lucky to have you in their life.

yes I feel like a piece of garage that has been thrown away. But we will get stronger and have a healing in us and we will go on and find a life that is happy for us.We need to focus on ourselves and get to know who we are and love ourselves. We will get to the place where one day we can trust and love another person to be in our lives.

Please, find your core strength. You will draw from that, and you will learn to feed it.

I am Damaged-been hearing all about that for a very long time. Maybe, had I laid down and accepted my given role as a Victim, my life would have been easier...

I can't do that. It isn't in my "make up". I have tried. I am a Survivor. I find my Center, then get back up.

You Can Too.

There are things, built into the Core of us, that do not run out. They are renewable resources. We may Feel tapped out. We may appear Finished. But that only lasts for a Season.

Once the Healing starts, and we find our feet...Who we ARE will begin to bubble to the surface again.

Just don't let life make a Victim of you.

Yes. I used to feel that way often. Now I usually only have passing moments of those fears and that's usually when I'm tired.