Sorry so long
in June of 2020 my husband who had been with the same company/facility decided he needed a change and wanted to quit for a lower paying job. I begged him to reconsider as I had just switched to part time at my job to be with him and our 7 children more. He reconsidered and decided on a transfer to a different facility, in a new state instead. I said ok, let's do it. So we got him transferred and he started living and working there 8/2020. I started packing, I got our house on the market, and I gave notice at my job. I found and purchased a house on contract in the new state. I had everything moved up there by 9/1, but came back to the old state, moving in with my parents, with 5 of our 7 kids to tied up lose ends. The old house had a contract by 9/5/2020. His grandmother died of CV19 on 10/1/2020. We didn't have the money for him to make a trip back. I told him I could go and represent him, but he insisted, and I understood so I borrows the money from my parents to get him back and forth. We were still paying bills at the old house, the new house, and I was helping parents. Money was super tight. We closed on the old house 10/21/2020. I asked my husband to stay until Halloween to help my elderly parents with some stuff since we were, until the move, the closest family they had. He wasn't happy, but said he understood. 10/27/2020 my dad goes into the hospital with covid, my mom, my daughter and I all came down with it as well. We were extremely sick. My mom went into the hospital a week after my dad. They were both on ventilators and given a very grim diagnosis. I told him I didn't know when I would be back to the new house because there was no one to take care of my parents, their bills, their house or their dogs. He was furious, said I just didn't want to leave. I went emergency to court and took guardianship of their estate. So then I was paying bills times 3 houses until the last bills finished coming in from the old house. My dad didn't survive. My mom coded twice. From 10/27/2020 to 02/27/2021 I dealt with hospitals and my parents extreme sickness. During this time I made as many trips as I could to the new state so we could be together. Each time He has been very distant. I found out last week he has been conversing and hanging out with another woman. When confronted he lied about it. I pushed and he confessed to needing her. She was what he needed to get through being there alone (he had two or 3 of our kids at any given time.) That he needed her friendship and even if he lied to me if doesn't matter because he needs her and I should be understanding of that. I should let the lies go and just accept their friendship. Mind you, I was paying the bills at the new house, having groceries delivered, Sam's stuff sent, dog food sent, and paying the kids to do little stuff at the house. All from the old state.
He says that For the last month I have been able to do no right. I am wrong and I piss him off to much and ask to many questions. I should just accept his explanation and not question him (he was not of this mind before). I am still in the old state taking care of my mom who is permanently disabled. She has asked to live with us. We will be released from home health care next week for us to make the journey to the new state. But now I am questioning this. Do I really need to complete the uproot of my family? He lied to me, he has been very adamant about me accepting her, but not in the least bit concerned about his treatment and lies to me. I am just deeply hurt and don't know how to respond or what to do.
should I stay here or move into the unknown?
I am talking through my stressors instead of eating to distract myself as in times past. I got Cool Sculpting done on my belly. And I am taking lipotropic shots. I can see they are all coming together to work well...the healthiest being the emotional healing, which makes me feel so much better that my appetite for snacking has been cut way down. But I still feel like such a far slob. ...
I was able to calm myself, I had convinced myself i had some super rare disease. I'm proud of myself for once cause I'm breaking the cycle of anxiety more and more. I know if this was a couple months ago I would have such a hard time stopping my panic. It seems that physical symptoms of anxiety get worse when I pay them more attention. Going to start running soon hopefully it will help. Thanks to...