Stay Calm.
Stay in Check at all times.

Do not respond to her at all.
All response should be done thru the lawyers. Yes, it is costly.

Document everything. Keep a close journal.
Do not show your cards, your emotion.

Do not say things out of anger in front of the children, family members or pple you consider friends, or in front of collegues.
Things come back to bite you later.

Have faith man!.. I know of several fathers who did not get screwed over. My Ex for one. I choose to be fair. I could of gotten everything, it was the judge who suggested we mediate and barter things.
My tenant for one got his two kids, my former tenant had his son joint custody, I know dozens of men who have walked away with their children, some have rec'd spousal support I suspect.

Be strong.. do not lose your cool.. and watch the beast!..

My Ex was in front of the judge.. and spoke, cried.. said too much.

I spoke briefly about the children and how they were doing. I put the kids first, and that is what the judge saw. Not just because they were girls and their natural place is with a mom. That is a crock btw.

be well.. and stay strong.

You probably feel like you cannot be honest with her and have to brownnose her so you won't set her off. That sucks.

www.dadrights.com

has some good material on it.

Ugh! Excuse me:

www.dadsrights.com

That's it Rose. It IS all about the kids, and should be. It's not about crying in your beer and how you have been hurt, It's about stepping up when your world is falling to pieces in slow motion and still remembering that there are little people that just want to know how to do their homework and be awrm at night and loved.

Hey,

Yes as a male you may get screwed, but if you have a good lawyer and can stay calm and not react to her in anyway then the judge will see that.

If you have proof of anything make sure to bring it.

Most of all stay calm and DO NOT REACT TO ANYTHING!!

I was very fearful of the same thing, but here in NC, the lawyers I talked to and the info. I got all suggested that the father gets screwed all the time is more myth than fact. It is a perception that keeps men in fear. What I was told was that the court looks to who can provide evidence of the best parenting-and in a majority of the cases the wives have more time investments witht eh children and can prove their parenting effectiveness moreso than the father. Document all the time you spend with the kids, the times you take them to the doctor, church, anywhere, - get involved and get noticed!

I hate this feeling.I am afraid to do anything, tell her anything for fear she will use it aginst me.Not even sure how really!

I love my kids and i only want to be their father.Be their for them.Love them.

Note to self: "Do Not Fear" is noted 365 times in Gods' Word.Maybe it's time i take ownership of that! :)

it is true that courts are catered to reward mothers with custody and sometimes maintenance. my reading and experience has shown that unless the mother is completely unfit, unable to care, has housing/money issues, abusive or has mental challenges that prevent her from caring for the child/children, they usually get custody unless of course they do not really have initiative to have custody. with that comes child support, which is of course a responsibility as i am sure you will agree. the child support arrangement is fair, based on income, but some mothers don't really seek gainful employment if they are receiving a large amount of child support as if they did, child support amount would go down. maintenance is an arbitrary number based on what the judge determines, but usually it is only awarded if one party has really wronged the other. for the most part, it is a fair system. I thought i would get a really bad deal, but the judge was fair. i hope it will go fine with you.

I've got to agree with Waverley. I'm sure there are exceptions but in general everything is split 50/50%. Now some men perceive that it is not 'fair' that they have to split half of their retirement, assets, savings with the ex but the truth is, as a married couple, it belongs to both of you regardless of who earned it (same goes for debt). The courts generally do not award one person in a long term marriage more than 50% unless there are extenuating circumstances like one person makes tons of $$$ and the other has no ability to support him or herself.

As for custody, if you are the person who has been the primary caretaker over the years then you have a good shot at getting custody. Or if your stbx has some 'issues' that would preclude her from custody. But, on the other hand, if your wife has been a stay at home mom for years and/or has done the majority of the care taking then, naturally, she would be the logical choice for primary custody.

Personally, my stbx and I chose 50/50 custody but our son is a teenager and that makes it a lot easier.

I know, Savery, that your wife is upset about the divorce. It make take her a while to put aside her feelings of anger and hurt and decide to do the best thing for the kids. See if you can get her to a counselor to discuss fair and logical custody arrangements. Good luck.

sex change?...i'm thinking that's the only way...LOL

you, like I, will do our best for our kids

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English Law is definitely on the side of the Mother.

.

I would say the 'Bear' was wide awake way before you knew about the divorce.

Yep, I agree with you and all the others. It's as if all you can do is bend over and smile.

The cycle will stop when all the ink has been dry for months.

I wish I could say that this is not true but I am unable to. I stayed at home with the girls for years, worked and earned my bachelors degree around her schedule, watched as she destroyed the family, refused to pick up the girls - told me it was me or foster care - then lied on the stand at trial. The court took her side and actually stated in the final divorce paperwork that I have selective memory. I had everything documented but nothing worked. We now have 50/50 placement but since she moved 40 minutes away from their schools with her boyfriend she is going to take me back to court again - for the 9th time this year - to change placement. I wish I could say that the court only does what is best for the children but it's just not the case.

What am i afraid of you ask?

I guess the unknown...

I did leave the family home and i fear that my decision to leave will somehow work against me.

Will a judge see that as abandonment?

Will she be able to use the fact that when we were separated(and seeking a divorce) i began a relationship and slept with another woman.Unwise i know.

Will a judge see that as adultery?

Will the fact that i worked 2-3 jobs so she could be a stay at home mom and than again so she could go back to school work against me..because she than will have shown that she was the primary caregiver of my son.

Will a judge see this as evidence for giving her sole custody?

I am most afraid of losing my son.She has threatened to take him away 1000's of miles.Of not letting me see and using lies and manipulation to keep me as part of her life.I know twisted.

Will a judge let her take him away?

I do not have marital love for her anymore and am emotionally detached romantically to her.Thus why i can physically or emotionally involve myself with someone else and did.

I feel as though she is emotionally bullying me.Yet, i don't know how to respond.I have not been perfect but i don't deserve to be "crucified" forever because i cannot return her love.
Thanks_ Savery1

I bet that 'bear' has claws. Imagine how she feels. You left, and...(an important and)...and you got someone else.

I dont think any of it will have any bearing at all, unless you flaunted it. You will be screwed over I think, because that is what they do.

You might be heard if she tries to move 1000 miles away. In that case you might get them all summer, and her during the school year.