
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
couples counciling--works if only one is intereste

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Today I got my wife to go to couples counciling to help me understand what is so wrong that we can not put this back together--says has never been secure and wants more than I can give--has a job as a nurse now and makes good $ and I have just been able to make enough to support our kids and her 2 for 11 years--but does counseling in this type of environment help change peoples minds or am I wasting my time--she says no that we wount get back together--expect the worst and is very self centered right now its all about her--what do you think--have let her know how i feel and am giving her $ for an apartment--also helped her find one
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It can be seen as manipulative. For example, "go to counseling with me if you want me to continuing helping you financially".
She could also be taking the opportunity for a third party here to get you to understand what she's been trying to tell you all along. Most people don't want to hurt each other. If one person has decided to go another direction in their life, then they will attempt to let the other person down easy if possible. If not, then it will become hurtful to both.
You know the old saying about letting the bird fly away if it wants? Use this opportunity to make yourself more attractive. Try to find things that you want to do. If she wants to come back she will.
It's a lot more easy for me to say all this than to follow this advice myself. I know it's tough. But you need to start taking care of yourself if she doesn't want to and if she doesn't want you to take care of her.
When I started counselling ,I really did think it was too little too late ,he had shown no interest in me ,my needs or feelings or anything other than sex and food for years so it seemed the counselling would not help but I tried ,just being willing to try is a start .But after a short while he started to say what you are ,Am I wasting my time? ,well if he felt he was only in it for his wants and had no interest in learning what went wrong for both of us ,even if we did not get back together isnt it worth it for the knowledge and closure ? also you can not ask for guarantees ,she doesnt know herself so she can not tell you wether it will work or not .Thats how my counselling ended ,he Demanded a guarantee ,he was "Not willing to waist his time if he was not going to get me back at the end" I told him I did not know ,that It was a process and we had just started ,how was I to know if it would work or not ,but Gee if Im not worth the trouble with out a guarantee then ,No we wont get back together because thats the whole point ,thats why we broke up because I was not worth the effort to him ,never was never would be ,not unless there was something in it for him. God he even found foreplay a drag ,why should he bother to do anything for me ,he got him self off ,thats all that mattered .It felt the same to me ,he wanted his answer and was only willing to work on saving the marriage if he was sure it was going to work., so why bother foreplay if his not getting what he wants.