I am going throuhg a lot right now. A huge emotional rollercoster. One day I feel ok and the next (like today) very depressed. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. We are very happy, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me aside from my kids. He and I can talk like we are best friends. I can tell him anything and he doesn't judge me or criticize. I came home from school last night and I asked him if he ever cheated and he said yes with his ex because she treated him like chit. I, myself, have never cheated. My ex husband cheated on me. So I am terrified to ever be in that position again. I then asked my boyfriend if he would ever do it again and he said that there is a good possibility. I was floored - I could not believe it. But I am the type of person that reads into things too much, I am very analicial and logical for the most part. I have this friend whom I have known since high school and she just lost 100 lbs and she is skinny, well, I was skinny too but I have gained some weight back. She is premiscous, has many men just to sleep with. Well, my boyfriend told me that he is a little attracted to him and he is attracted to me. I could not sleep last night because I have way too much running in my head, the re-opening of my divorce and the fear of how my kids will react, and my company Christmas party this Saturday and she will be there and we will be there. I am feeling awfully insecure and that is not me. I am normally easy going, out going, happy, bubbly - if you will. Well, I woke up this morning at 3:30 a.m. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I don't want to talk about it. Well, at 4:30 a.m. he then got up. Then he was leaving for work. He never gets up this early to go to work, this is the first time I have ever seen him get up this early. He said he wants to make more money and he couldn't sleep, his stomach hurt. How do I stop feeling like maybe, he is not going to work, maybe there is a chick on the side? I honestly do not belive he would cheat on as I do not give him a reason to and how well we get along. But, I just have an overwhelming feeling of insecurity now since he said there is a good possibility he can cheat - what is that actually suppose to mean. Am I just still scared that it could happen to me again. I am such a firm believer that if you want to cheat get out of the relationship, then screw around. I definatly do not want my current insecurity to push him away either if it is completely innocent and he has no intentions! Man, how do I change my evil head???
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