I'm having the same problem. I have been seperated almost 2 years and not one holiday has gotten any easier, to tell you the truth not one weekend has gotten much easier either. They say it will get better, I also wish I knew when. I put up Christmas decorations today, different than I ever have and it still hurt and felt so lonely. I have a granddaughter that will love everything but I could care less.

and it doesn't help to have a family that says 'oh, you're being ridiculous' because i don't want to put up the stupid tree.
every year has been hard but this one is especially painful. not sure why.
i'm at the point where i can't stand to hear christmas songs on the radio.
i think maybe because it's been long enough finally that i know we're not going to reconcile. my brain knows it but won't explain it to my heart. maybe that's why it hurts extra bad this year. that and the fact that this year will be 3 holidays he's missed with his child.

Some times i wish i had the answer to everything, I myself am looking at the last holidays together. My husband, childrens father, not sure what to call him at this point, will be leaving for good after the new year. I find myself getting bitter and upset. All i can say is Pray, give it to God He knows what to do.

Don't berate yourself too much, your daughter is kind of too young to really know what you might be thinking she ought to have.
Just take her to to see Santa someplace, if you do that; make sure she has a decent gift on the day; if you are religious take her to church and to a pageant to see a Christmas play; if there is a really accessible nutcracker, do that; have dinner with your family; and bake some cookies together. Don't try to go whole hog, that is just too stressful for anybody. Do what you can. The main thing is to share your love with her. I think it is also important that she feels she is giving gifts to others, not just receiving gifts based on being judged on her behavior. So make sure she makes some gifts for the important people in her life and gives them to those people and gets to be appreciated for her efforts.
You will be ok. Just ease into it, year by year.

i understand ohiomom! it makes sense after doing so much for the holidays that now you're at the other side, wanting to do nothing. sometimes we have to go from one side to the other to find a new place to settle into.

i think it's a great idea that you're open to starting new traditions. it's a great time for you to think about what's important to you, the woman. separate from mom or wife. what does this time of year mean to you? individually. and anything you design will become the new traditions that you can pass on to your daughter. and they'll have so much meaning because they came from inside YOU!

some things to keep in mind: the holidays that we see all around us are VERY hallmark. VERY much about consumerism. VERY much about spending money we don't have.

and they have VERY little to do with the genuine spirit of the season... time to slow down, reflect, remember that with every ending there is a new beginning, that with darkness comes light... we can't have one without the other; that hope is there if we want to choose it...

i know. so easy to say. and a completely different thing to do!

when i'm busy feeling guilty then i'm not busy being in the moment i'm in. guilt only serves to take pleasant times away. it'll feed on itself.

this is a very delicate time for many people. there is less sunlight, the holidays bring up mixed memories, the commercials, the ads, the stores, and the music! everywhere i look i'm reminded of this holiday time that has been idealized since forever. then i watch 'home for the holidays' with holly hunter and i smile knowing i'm really not missing THAT much. but that's me.

and it sounds like you have pleasant memories.

thanksgiving was hard. but it was my choice. i had a few invitations but i would have gone alone and known maybe 1-2 people and there are so many couples out now. so i chose to avoid the pain and the hopelessness that i've been feeling each time i've tried going out to be social. and i allowed myself to live for 4 days, in the grief and solitude and loneliness that i've been trying to keep at bay. and the result has been that it brought me a bit closer to acceptance. and for me that brings a bit more peace of mind.

you have a child so taking time off from 'the world' is probably much harder. do you have family or friends that can take her for a while, an hour, a day... so you can do/be whatever you need to do/be?

as far as other traditions, since i don't know how religious or spiritual you are, i'll be general. if you're curious, all other religions and faiths celebrate a similar theme during this time and they all celebrate with unique traditions. i've even taken time to see how other faiths celebrate. it has inspired me as i create my own traditions. here's a site: http://www.religioustolerance.org/winter_solstice.htm

what has helped me has been to celebrate the natural aspect of this time. the holidays became painful for me in childhood, so i've adapted in this way. and looking into the history of christmas helped me let go of a lot of the pressure.

i also signed up to volunteer to wrap and give out toys... i love buying and wrapping up gifts and handing them out! and since i'm not teaching now, i've missed having a classroom full of kids to spoil!

there is a great national site: http://www.volunteermatch.org

and next year my volunteer application will be up-to-date so i can help give to the homeless, especially during the holidays. (each holiday i decide to sign up too late after they're full with help feeding the homeless.)

it may be annoying how true this is but it holds SO much truth!... getting outside of myself and giving to another in need is very healing and empowering and has strong positive lingering effects. if nothing else, other than what it may do for another, it helps me focus on what i DO have in my life.

i can feel sad about being alone for the holidays. yes. AND i have a roof over my head, income, two cats that are like my children, i'm in school studying for a new career, learning a new language, starting to exercise again. ;) ... just to name a few.

i'll bet you've got a nice list of your own!