I have the kids. I love them and wouldn't have it any other way. X only takes them for 3 hrs from 2:30-5:30 when it is convient for him. Do I have a social life NOPE. Wondering how this works out. Really need a break but I don't see it comming.

thank you for this. that is exactly what i have tried to do and exactly what i said when all of this first began w/me. i said...when i have the kids, that is my time w/the kids. when i don't have the kids....that is my time to do w/what i want.
i know he has no say. he can have his opinions, and what he says should not affect me. BUT...he has said things in front of my kids causing them to form opinions about me. btw...i'm not doing anything wrong. he just doesn't approve and is jealous.

A twist on that -- I just discovered in the last day or two that I don't have to walk on eggshells when communicating with stbx -- I was in fear of what he could "do" to me during the divorce to make things more difficult, and he mildly "threatened" such action a time or two. Now that I have managed to stabilize after the rug got pulled out from under me (stabilized, not entirely recovered!) I realiz that the fear I ahd was left over from the marriage -- he canot hurt me with his threats anymore -- the divorce will go down the way it goes down, he canot bully me adn I can say what I want to say.

Anne you are so right. I like it when I can relate to others about the vague 'threats'! Mine has used these words to me often "Don't make me get 'ugly' with this divorce", and "If I have to pay spousal support, I might as well have full custody". We have finally come to an agreement on the parenting plan, and I have had to 'gently' remind him that I expect him to honor that plan. I don't mind if he doesn't have the kids during his time, but whether he does or not will not have any affect on my time with the kids. The very first Monday after we signed the agreement, he left word with my son on his cell phone that he would be over to 'visit' that afternoon. I decided that if I let it slide even one time, I would be right back into a power struggle. So I politely texted him and told him that Tuesday was his afternoon, and that if he needed to make other arrangements, he should do it with ME and not with the children. He immmediately called to tell me that our son had 'misunderstood' and that he would see us tomorrow. I appologized for the 'misunderstanding' (which, of course, I do not believe to be the case, but so what?) and quickly got off the phone.
I got my point across, he slimed his way out of it, and now he knows I will not let him pop in and out of my life and my house at his whim.
I will however, make sure that when it is time for them to go with him, they are ready and I will be cheerful and positive about telling them goodbye. They already have one parent who acts like they are doing something 'wrong' when they come back home, and I'll be darned if I'll treat them that way about seeing their dad. They do need him. I wish he could learn that it is indeed about THEM needing HIM, instead of the other way around. Our son feels so guilty when he's not 'taking care' of his dad. our children are 11 and 14, so they are not blind and they will work out their own relationship with their father.