I left my husband of 9 years. I currently moved out with our 3 children. I want a divorce and he doesn't. I got married young, 23 years old, was an insecure person who even had a grain of doubt on my wedding day. I am a good hearted person and always hoped for the best. We are opposites. When I met him he had no car, no job, no education. He did change but not his ways. He got a job for the post office and has been there since we got married but that was "enough" for him. I always wanted him to go to college, he tried once but withdrew saying it wasn't for him. I work hard, have a master's and am the bread winner. He on the other hand is lazy, waits for life to fall on his lap. He doesn't help out in the house, falls asleep on the couch after work. He is a good father so I give him credit for that. I would complain about all the things I was doing, and then he might mop the floor. Over the years he has greatly disappointed me. I had him in charge of the bills and he simply put us in debt, never told me until I got collection calls and messed up my credit. He didn't pay our mortgage for two months until he told me. When this happened he promised to get another job and get us out of the rut. He went out ONE day and looked and then said there's nothing because of the economy. So his solution was to borrow money from my father and grandfather and my retirement. He admits he did wrong but all of this turned my feelings off. One time I caught him online looking for his exgirlfriend but claimed it was because he heard her mom passed. If it was so innocent why keep that from your wife? I know he didnt cheat on me but I questioned if he was really happy with me too. When I felt I should get out of the marriage I tried to find reasons to stay, the kids, etc..until it came to me withdrawing from him sexually and emotionally. Then I finally told him I couldnt take living like this. I didn't want the world or Cinderella's fantasy but just the bills paid, to live comfortably cause thats what I dreamed of and deserved! I want a man that is going to work hard for his family, a go getter, someone who will do what it takes to keep his wife happy. He never took me on vacations in the 9 years and I was still waiting for my ONE carat ring that he promised me all these years, just one carat, couldn't even do that for me. It just seemed no matter what, luck was never on our side, we were always struggling and he did nothing about it, just would promise things will get better. How can they get better if you don't try? I would cry every night wondering what to do and he would see this. I went to a therapist for myself because I felt guilty for my feelings. I feel I made the right decision but my family is against it, feels he didnt beat me or cheat on me and I should work it out. I am passed the stage of counseling. My heart isn't in it, maybe if we went years ago but my feelings have changed. And I don't think counseling could change who he is. I learned people don't change and he never will. I love him of course after being with him for 13 years but don't feel I am in love with him anymore, maybe I never really was. He deserves to be with someone who will love him as much as he loves me, I'm not being fair to him if I stay. He is angry, hurt and thinks these aren't reasons to leave him. Six months ago I threatened to leave if he didn't take more responsibility and make changes. He promised but didn't do much, maybe help out more around the house but it wasnt enough for me. I feel sad that I am breaking his heart and this family but my gut says it is the right thing. My sister says thats marriage, ups and downs. But why do I feel like the whole marriage was down. I can't honestly say there was a time of happiness, maybe when I had my children. He gives me the guilt trip and says I didn't take my vows seriously, for better for worse or try to work on the marriage. I feel I tried by staying all these years. I am not a selfish person and now feel I am. I feel if it were any other woman they would have left him right away when they saw his lazy ways. I dont know how I am going to get through this.
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