Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Sorry, this is my first post and it's kind of long, but here it goes...
I am currently separated, actually it is a limited divorce in MD. My wife has been a very jealous and controling person for the 12 years since I've known her. This is my second marriage and we have 3 children (a daughter from a previous relationship she had while married to her first husband) and we have two daughters together. This is also my second marriage but I don't have any other children.
The last 9 months of my life have been HELL and the one year anniversary of our separation is in March and she is still hostile towards me on a regular basis. I did not want a separation, she told me she didn't want to be married anymore and she actually illustrated it towards the end by staying out all night and having sexual relationships with other men.
I've tried to go to a therapist with her to deal with our issues regarding the children. She has completely separated me from my stepdaughter (who WE raised since she was two years old) and she routinely tells my children not to answer the phone when I call. We have had a very tumultous relationship over the last 11 years and it's always been about trust and honesty. I've suffered a lot because of her accusations and her issues with my friendships. I haven't been perfect but I've tried to change and I feel I have over the years. I got out of the military in 2000 after 11 years and I've had four different jobs since then because of the chaos in our relationship. I'm now in an apartment and paying the rent, mortgage and utilities for both residences. She has't honored anything in our separation agreement and she has called the police on several occasions to claim that I harrass her when I try to communicate with about issues about the kids, finances or when I can get my property as determined in the separation agreement.
My lawyer tells me just to leave her alone but it is no fair how she manipulates and abuses the system. I am a great dad and I love my daughters greatly and she knows this. I took them on the whole summer after she went on a cruise to Mexico and refused to help me with them because she claimed to have made arrangements for them to stay with her family for the summer (which is a lie). My stepdaughter wound up going and my two girls stayed with me.
In February, she asked for some "space" to get her mind straight, but I knew she was having an affair. I wanted to go to counseling but she refused. After I moved out (on Valentine's Day), one week later she changed the locks on the house, filed for a protection order against me and claimed in court that she was affraid because I threatened to kick in the door to get my things. She got my address from my 10 year old so that the order could be delivered.
That same week I learned that she had rented a "honeymooners" suite at a hotel in Atlantic City and she left my 3 girls 13,10 and 8 at the time at home all weekend BY THEMSELVES without telling me or making arrangements for someone to care for them.
And NOW she is upset with me because she has learned that I have joined social networking sites to meet and talk to friends and is very hostile about it with me. I have been stressed since I moved out and have just recently begun to interact with people again.
My stepdaughter doesn't come to visit me when my other two girls come over and my wife uses them to report on the situation at my apartment, like who calls or what is in my home. She says that my 8 year old told her their were condoms,"massage oil" in drawer and other women's underwear. I AM ABOUT TO GO NUTS OVER ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF THE GUILT THAT SHE TRIES TO FORCE ON ME. I AM CONFUSED! I never go anywhere or do anything unless my girls are with me. I spend all of my free time trying to work and pay for my reponsibilities while she lives anyway she wants. She leaves home for hours with no explanation and spends the night away from home often and leaves my 13 year old there to watch the other two. Does she want to move on or does she want to continue to control my life? She is very insecure and angry and always has been and I feel like everything is my fault sometimes because of it.
I am currently separated, actually it is a limited divorce in MD. My wife has been a very jealous and controling person for the 12 years since I've known her. This is my second marriage and we have 3 children (a daughter from a previous relationship she had while married to her first husband) and we have two daughters together. This is also my second marriage but I don't have any other children.
The last 9 months of my life have been HELL and the one year anniversary of our separation is in March and she is still hostile towards me on a regular basis. I did not want a separation, she told me she didn't want to be married anymore and she actually illustrated it towards the end by staying out all night and having sexual relationships with other men.
I've tried to go to a therapist with her to deal with our issues regarding the children. She has completely separated me from my stepdaughter (who WE raised since she was two years old) and she routinely tells my children not to answer the phone when I call. We have had a very tumultous relationship over the last 11 years and it's always been about trust and honesty. I've suffered a lot because of her accusations and her issues with my friendships. I haven't been perfect but I've tried to change and I feel I have over the years. I got out of the military in 2000 after 11 years and I've had four different jobs since then because of the chaos in our relationship. I'm now in an apartment and paying the rent, mortgage and utilities for both residences. She has't honored anything in our separation agreement and she has called the police on several occasions to claim that I harrass her when I try to communicate with about issues about the kids, finances or when I can get my property as determined in the separation agreement.
My lawyer tells me just to leave her alone but it is no fair how she manipulates and abuses the system. I am a great dad and I love my daughters greatly and she knows this. I took them on the whole summer after she went on a cruise to Mexico and refused to help me with them because she claimed to have made arrangements for them to stay with her family for the summer (which is a lie). My stepdaughter wound up going and my two girls stayed with me.
In February, she asked for some "space" to get her mind straight, but I knew she was having an affair. I wanted to go to counseling but she refused. After I moved out (on Valentine's Day), one week later she changed the locks on the house, filed for a protection order against me and claimed in court that she was affraid because I threatened to kick in the door to get my things. She got my address from my 10 year old so that the order could be delivered.
That same week I learned that she had rented a "honeymooners" suite at a hotel in Atlantic City and she left my 3 girls 13,10 and 8 at the time at home all weekend BY THEMSELVES without telling me or making arrangements for someone to care for them.
And NOW she is upset with me because she has learned that I have joined social networking sites to meet and talk to friends and is very hostile about it with me. I have been stressed since I moved out and have just recently begun to interact with people again.
My stepdaughter doesn't come to visit me when my other two girls come over and my wife uses them to report on the situation at my apartment, like who calls or what is in my home. She says that my 8 year old told her their were condoms,"massage oil" in drawer and other women's underwear. I AM ABOUT TO GO NUTS OVER ALL OF THIS BECAUSE OF THE GUILT THAT SHE TRIES TO FORCE ON ME. I AM CONFUSED! I never go anywhere or do anything unless my girls are with me. I spend all of my free time trying to work and pay for my reponsibilities while she lives anyway she wants. She leaves home for hours with no explanation and spends the night away from home often and leaves my 13 year old there to watch the other two. Does she want to move on or does she want to continue to control my life? She is very insecure and angry and always has been and I feel like everything is my fault sometimes because of it.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Your lawyer has given you some solid advice.
Stick to your guns and dot the i's and cross the t's.
In time she will become your greatest asset against herself as people realize that her stories don't hold water.
That will mean that you are going to go through some additional hell,(trust me on this one I know exactly where you are coming from),but it will get better.
Hang in there.
Men are at a severe disadvantage. And nobody wants to believe your circumstances are important to the safety of your daughters. The threat of calling the police and making up a story heppens a lot. It's a threat. And one she will surely follow through with.
I didn't follow the advice I'm about to give you. But it will give you motivation and some limited peace of mind. Quit trying to fix the marriage and set the dogs on her. Sick the investigators on her and prove she is risking the safety of your daughters. It will cost $20K+++++.
Either that or just stay away like I did. You'll lose most of the visitation any normal father would get. And the visitation you do get will continue to be manipulated by the ex for years to come. And you'll always be the bad parent. You'll be resigned to the Bruce Willis role as the negligent father.
Then again, I'll probably take the offensive at a better time of my choosing and change the terms of the divorce later. This is very common too.
As for your step-daughter, your stbx should shoot herself for doing that. You don't have any rights at all in that regard.