Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

11,135 Members
99,743 Posts
6 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

CONFESSING MY WEAKNESS

deleted_user
deleted_user
My mouth is causing me to lose out more and more on the possibility of a very happy future vs. crawling under a rock. Husband and I are very codependent for the past 23 years, and last night I really blew it again by cutting him down for joining a support group for codependent people, which he feels he is getting a lot out of, and just cutting him down in general. When will I learn to shut up!!! I feel even more like a nothing now! We are always on the defensive with each other. With the divorce on hold for now, why is it so tough to come together without hashing over all the past crap that ruined our marriage as well? No progress whatsoever!! I wish I could think before I talk!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Next time you want to react, take 10 deep breaths and ask yourself if what you are about to say is helpful or hurtful. If it is hurtful, bite your tongue!

Learn to be proactive rather than reactive.

Undoing past behaviours is the hardest part in the whole process if a marraige is trying to be saved. One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but once learned will serve you well.

Hopefully you have apologized and praised him for seeing support. That is a postive step for him, just as you finding DS was a positive step for you.

Having said that, don't beat yourself up, just remember back to this experience, how it made you feel afterwards and try to do better the next time. I know you can do it!

Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is hard to break old habits or patterns of behavior... If I could just change how I react to something he does, I would not feel so guilty in the end. I told mine not to wash the dishes by hand this morning because he doesn't get them clean enough. Anyhow, I put him on the defensive by using YOU statements according to my counselor, I should use "I" statements so he doesn't take it as criticism... As my finger touches the grease on the bowl, the last thing I can think of is "diplomacy"... I want to shove my greasy finger up his "@$$" (forget it he might enjoy it).

Best thing is to get yourself help and join a different group that he doesn't go to and get yourself better too. Good luck!
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: irishwriter
    7904
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??