
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

FrmDeb2U
Some of you know my situation.... for those of you who don't.
My husband was physically and emotionally abusive for the duration of our 20 year marriage.
I left him over a year ago and he still thinks I owe him another chance because this is the first time that I left him.
We have a conference set for this Wednesday morning at the Courthouse with our attorneys present to try to reach an agreement concerning our divorce.
I talked to him on the phone earlier tonight and he again asked me if this is what I want...meaning the divorce. Then he was saying that this doesn't have to happen and that we don't need to let other people tell us what to do... blah blah blah. He says that I don't know how good I would have it, if I did go back to him because he wants to make up the past 20 years to me.
I don't love him the same way that he seems to still love me. I am scared about finalizing this divorce, but think it's the best thing for me.
I'm just wondering if anyone has an opinion concerning whether or not an abusive person can really change???
Is it even possible to learn to love someone that treated me so badly for 20 years?
My husband was physically and emotionally abusive for the duration of our 20 year marriage.
I left him over a year ago and he still thinks I owe him another chance because this is the first time that I left him.
We have a conference set for this Wednesday morning at the Courthouse with our attorneys present to try to reach an agreement concerning our divorce.
I talked to him on the phone earlier tonight and he again asked me if this is what I want...meaning the divorce. Then he was saying that this doesn't have to happen and that we don't need to let other people tell us what to do... blah blah blah. He says that I don't know how good I would have it, if I did go back to him because he wants to make up the past 20 years to me.
I don't love him the same way that he seems to still love me. I am scared about finalizing this divorce, but think it's the best thing for me.
I'm just wondering if anyone has an opinion concerning whether or not an abusive person can really change???
Is it even possible to learn to love someone that treated me so badly for 20 years?
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You never can tell.
Only you can know if he can change. You have known him for 20 years. Did you see any kind of change or concern for you?
He is asking you to come back. Why? Is it because he is feeling bad and lonely? Does he want you back for selfish reasons?
It is my experience, that most don't change. My ex told me countless times that she would change, that things would get better. She even said that she would make it all up to me. It never happened. Never will.
There does come a time when there is no going back. You mentioned if it was possible to learn to love him again. Love should not be learned, it just happens.
Thank you for reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing. I may need you to keep reassuring me over the next several days. :) Thanks again!
I sometimes feel guilty for leaving my ex and letting her fend for herself with her addiction. But then I come to my senses and remember that I need to worry about me. She is responsible for her own actions.
I think he plans to make you pay for filing, not make anything up to you.
Run. girl!
I am here for any kind of support or reassurance you may need, not only in the next week,, but as long as you need it!
Bless you and Big Hugs to you!
One thing I am doing is getting counselling about this divorce and it is very helpful - helps ground me when I begin to doubt myself or fall too deeply into sadness. I found my counselling through the Women's Center in my town, and given my lack of money, it's a blessing it's free.
Please take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You are important and deserve a chance for a life with happiness and joy!
"I'm just wondering if anyone has an opinion concerning whether or not an abusive person can really change??? "
Does it matter? Ask yourself the more important question. Have you changed?
I mean really changed. My guess is you have not. I'm not being judgemental here. I have been in a similiar type of relationship. YOU must decide what you are willing to accept and YOU must decide if you are strong enough to stand up to this abuser after years of conditioning yourself not to do so.
For myself, I choose not to risk that. When I'm healthy and whole again, I would like someone in my life. I can answer for myself only; it will NOT be my stbx. That's not something I'm happy about or feel victorious about. It's just what it is. It's about what I want and what I will accept.
Go inward for your answers; go inside yourself!