Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My stbex and I still share a house - though on seperate floors and both work at a co-owned business. It is all I can do to get through each day til we get this mediated and the house sold - since I have no money until that time.
Thanksgiving was good - no children came home from college, and I cooked the meal for our local Women's Center - then joined friends for dinner. Who knows what stbex did.
Christmas, he wants to cook dinner and eat with the one child who is coming home, open presents together and generally make it all appear normal. I know if I do this, I will be miserable - just his proximity hurts. He has caused this divorce by numerous emotional and sexual attachments with other women over the course of 7 years. I am so sad that our family of 25 years is now gone, but that doesn't mean that I have to pretend to have a happy Christmas does it? should I do it for my older child (he's 23).
Or my stbex could cook with my older child, and I could eat with friends. If my son wants to join us as well, we could schedule the meal so it wouldn't conflict with his dad's.
Oh - and do I buy stbex a gift? How far do I go to appear normal here? Has anyone out there experienced this??
Thanksgiving was good - no children came home from college, and I cooked the meal for our local Women's Center - then joined friends for dinner. Who knows what stbex did.
Christmas, he wants to cook dinner and eat with the one child who is coming home, open presents together and generally make it all appear normal. I know if I do this, I will be miserable - just his proximity hurts. He has caused this divorce by numerous emotional and sexual attachments with other women over the course of 7 years. I am so sad that our family of 25 years is now gone, but that doesn't mean that I have to pretend to have a happy Christmas does it? should I do it for my older child (he's 23).
Or my stbex could cook with my older child, and I could eat with friends. If my son wants to join us as well, we could schedule the meal so it wouldn't conflict with his dad's.
Oh - and do I buy stbex a gift? How far do I go to appear normal here? Has anyone out there experienced this??
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Eventually you will have to tell kids. Try telling them before holidays?
If you don't want to do this, then tell your son the situation and let him have dinner with whomever he wants.
It's so absurd that your stbx wants to do this anyway.
My kids are little but even so..I have reserved that right to be true to myself when it comes to my ex. I will in no way interfere wit the kids relationship with him..but I have no obligation to have anything other than kids oriented conversations with him.
I think we can be civil for the sake of our kids. I do not think that we have to, or should, do anything that is emotionally harmful to ourselves for the sake of our kids.
I think your son will understand.
And don't pretend. It'll hurt you and your son.
Everyone would be uncomfortable because it's not the same, it can't be.
Your stbx is a fool (for many reasons) but certainly because he thinks it would be appropriate to have dinner together and open gifts.
One of you enjoy a nice breakfast and open present then the other could have a nice dinner and presents.
I think your child will understand.
He did not leave the house til after the divorce actually.
We had nothing for Xmas.. no gifts.. until Santa(ME).. showered the home with tons of little gifts for the children. they were overwhelmed... The EX was furious.. he wanted to see it be a miserable Xmas for us all.
I was a trooper.. kept my head up.. made breakfast, allowed the kids to enjoy.. made lunch.. and dinner.. and kept it cordial.
I don't think you have to igore the facts.. your 23 year old knows what is happening. You are 3 adults going through the motions. I would think a nice breakfast together, open the gifts... go on with your day.. don't make a fuss about dinner. Have a lovely meal together, no point being totally miserable. It will all be over soon.
Me?.. well after everyone went to bed Xmas night.. I light the fire.. sat on the couch.. (which was my bed for 3 years)... and drank wine.. and cried. It was a good Xmas for my children.. the presents, the surprise gifts.. the food.. The Ex enjoyed the food... I didn't poison him.. he lived. But it was a sad day for me... a reality check...I would be alone, drinking, crying for many other nights.
Talk to your 23 year old.. ask them what they would like to do. How they can help make it bearable.
Your days of giving to HIM are over.