Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been saved as a follower of Christ for about 15 years. While I have not actively gone to church all those years for my own reasons, I feel that I have kept touch with the Lord on a regular basis, and He has always provided me the answers.
Here is the quick and short of my situation. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 10 years, with 2 children. With the coming of our second child 4 years ago is when I noticed his attitude change. He started getting physical with our oldest, at that time 5 years old. And he would make threats to me with physical things, like taking the kids away if I ever "left" him. He works on a salary, but would come home late saying that he was trying to provide for his family. He would help out friends before he would help his own family. I had to keep reminding him that we are here for him, but we are lacking attention. He would say "I know. I am sorry." But still he kept up this behavior.
So this past summer I told him flat out that I was done with him. I was tired of trying to make him realize that he was missing out on his children and me. He doesn't even know who I am as a person.
We have been to the counseling. He has forgotten just about everything we have learned there. And now we are attending a great church. He has never been to church, and I understand that it is new to him. But now he tries to turn what he has learned in the Bible against me.
All I want is for him to give me some personal space to think about how I can manage his feelings along with mine and the children. I ask him not to grope me like he does, not to ask for sex all the time, not to follow me around the house and corner me when he wants to talk. He hasn't respected that wish from day one.
I know that God will forgive divorce as a sin because that is what he does. And I know that He loves me no matter what. And I have put forth effort in trying to make this marriage work. But I still have this small twinge of guilt in me. I don't know why though. But there are days that I am confident in myself as a single parent.
My question is this though. I have prayed and prayed on this for a long 4 months. Lord give me strength to go down the right path. And the other day all I heard was that I can do it. You can do it! Have confidence in your choices! Confidence!
Would the Lord ever tell someone to move on from a marriage?
Here is the quick and short of my situation. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 10 years, with 2 children. With the coming of our second child 4 years ago is when I noticed his attitude change. He started getting physical with our oldest, at that time 5 years old. And he would make threats to me with physical things, like taking the kids away if I ever "left" him. He works on a salary, but would come home late saying that he was trying to provide for his family. He would help out friends before he would help his own family. I had to keep reminding him that we are here for him, but we are lacking attention. He would say "I know. I am sorry." But still he kept up this behavior.
So this past summer I told him flat out that I was done with him. I was tired of trying to make him realize that he was missing out on his children and me. He doesn't even know who I am as a person.
We have been to the counseling. He has forgotten just about everything we have learned there. And now we are attending a great church. He has never been to church, and I understand that it is new to him. But now he tries to turn what he has learned in the Bible against me.
All I want is for him to give me some personal space to think about how I can manage his feelings along with mine and the children. I ask him not to grope me like he does, not to ask for sex all the time, not to follow me around the house and corner me when he wants to talk. He hasn't respected that wish from day one.
I know that God will forgive divorce as a sin because that is what he does. And I know that He loves me no matter what. And I have put forth effort in trying to make this marriage work. But I still have this small twinge of guilt in me. I don't know why though. But there are days that I am confident in myself as a single parent.
My question is this though. I have prayed and prayed on this for a long 4 months. Lord give me strength to go down the right path. And the other day all I heard was that I can do it. You can do it! Have confidence in your choices! Confidence!
Would the Lord ever tell someone to move on from a marriage?
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I think you know what to do. I don't think God wants people to stay in miserable relationships and risk their and their children's safety.
I have gone to church all my life. The church I attend teaches that God gave us innate wisdom to know right from wrong. If this feels wrong to you, you have to do what is best.
I also agree that your H sounds dangerous. You need to plan your escape carefully. Things could escalate really fast.
On the outside, it would seem us woman are very sinful indeed. However, having said that, if you know the spirit of a woman at all, the essense of being female, divorce goes completely against our instinct for protection, security and need to be loved.
Seperation or Dicovrce is not what cause marital breakdown. What causes marital breakdown is the absense of Love, Honour and Respect. If a man had failed to treat his wife as Christ treats the church, then it is HE that broke the marriage covenant, not the wife who flees to save her spirit, sanity; physical & mental well being.
I am a Christian, I am seperated from my husband. My choice. I totally agree with what has been said that oftentimes a woman MUST leave her husband in order for God to do his work, otherwise- the husband has no motivation to change his behavior. There is nothing in the bible that supports abuse on ANY level: be it physical, emotional, psycological, spiritual or financial abuse.
I am working with our Pastor, a Christian Counselor, attending Divorce Care & taking a Bounderies class within the church, plus receiving individual counseling to constructively deal with an abusive spouse.
I am holding onto Hope for reconcilliation, as my fundamental belief is that Marriage is a commitment for life, but I also know if my husband is not open & willing for the changes God is working to soften the hardness of my husbands heart, I will be forgiven for whatever becomes of my marriage. God does not want his children to be broken, some relationships are simply toxic.
My husband claims he is a man od God, he talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk. If he truely wants his marriage back, he will be the husband God designed him to be.
Sure the bible states that God would much rather see us change a person but guess what.
I asked my husband to stop hitting me, to think about what he was doing, guess what happened - IT GOT WORSE.
only now 18 months after the first bad fight, I am approaching the decision to leave.
even in your situation, you need to think about you,
I make no sense today
A remarriage or to remarry after divorce is the will of God! When God said, "I hate PUTTING AWAY," He NEVER meant divorce, but to SEPARATE. Meaning, divorce was good when needed. God never hated divorce, it was "something" else He hated.
To Which Situation Did God Say, "I Hate Putting Away (Divorce)?"
We have heard this Scripture: the Lord God of Israel says that HE HATES DIVORCE (Malachi 2:16). This is almost always quoted as if God hates all divorces in general. But thats just not true. We have previously read from the Bible books of Ezra, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, Deuteronomy and 1Corinthians that God is not against divorce. Then why all the confusion concerning why God said that He hates divorce? The reason for the confusion is because there are TWO kinds of marriages and TWO divorces being mentioned in the Malachi 2:11-16 passage.
The divorces were not official divorces; they didnt need to be. They were already previously married and unofficially married again. The Hebrew word shalach means putting away a separation, as correctly translated in most Bibles. However, the King James and a number of newer versions have incorrectly translated shalach as to mean: divorce. It never meant divorce and it doesnt mean divorce. The word was most likely translated as divorce to fit what was taught in the church. Shalach is just a common word used throughout the Old Testament which means to: go, separate or to send. Thats it!
So why did God angrily say that He hated putting away [a separation]? Because you have not kept My ways [concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage] but have SHOWN PARTIALITY IN THE LAW (Malachi 2:9). The Law specifically stated that when a man got a divorce from his wife that he was to write her a CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE, put it in her hand, AND [shalach] send her out [put her away] (Deuteronomy 24:1). God also commanded them not to marry anyone who did not serve him who served a foreign god (See Nehemiah 13:25-30).
Instead, men separated from their wives without ever giving them a Certificate of Divorce and then illegally married someone else. This is why the Lord said that they were still their wife by covenant. The marriage covenant had never been dissolved by the Divorce Certificate.
The Lords holy institution which He loves...the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth ...[and] SHE [STILL] IS YOUR COMPANION AND YOUR WIFE BY COVENANT. For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce [shalach], [separating without a Certificate of Divorce].... He has [illegally] married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord cut off ...the man who does this being awake and aware (Malachi 2:11,12a,14b,c,16a).
Because these men had remarried illegally separated from their wives without giving them a Certificate of Divorce, they were in adultery as Jesus stated: Furthermore it has been said, Whoever PUTS AWAY [separates from {apoluo}] his wife, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE. But I say to you that whoever PUTS AWAY [separates and remarries without being divorced from] his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries a woman who is PUT AWAY [separated without being divorced {apoluo}] commits adultery (Matthew 5:31-32). (The Lord never forgot about the Malachi incident when He came to earth to redeem lost man).
The Old Testament Hebrew word shalach and the New Testament Greek word apoluo are equivalent which will be discussed later.
Because these disobedient men still had un-divorced wives, the Lord did not command them to give their illegal wives a Certificate of Divorce, rather, they simply had to separate, put them away, [shalach]. SO DID GOD HATE DIVORCE? NO! RATHER, GOD HATED THAT THE HUSBANDS WERE SEPARATING FROM THEIR WIVES WITHOUT GIVING THEM A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE WHICH WOULD ENABLE THEM TO GET REMARRIED. THIS IS WHAT GOD HATES!
The men of Israel were SEPARATING from their wives for self-gratifying reasons. God Himself was a witness at their original marriage ceremony which was still in effect. The marriage covenant was never dissolved by a Certificate of Divorce. The men remarried outside their own culture (race) and tribe. God considered the children they bore unholy because of the mixed marriages bringing curses into their families (See Ezra 9:1,2, Nehemiah 13:26-30).
Because of these unauthorized marriages, the Word of God came to Ezra and Nehemiah to have the men and women of Israel who had done this thing, to separate from their spouse and even from their children (See Ezra 9:1, 11-12, 10:3, Nehemiah 13:23-27). In this situation, Gods command was to put them away, separate yourselves from them! This was NOT the kind of marriage to which God was saying, I hate divorce! He was saying loudly, Get out of these wrong marriages!
DIVORCE IS A METHOD TO SEPARATE THE ONE, AND MAKE THEM INTO TWO just as a surgeons knife is used to separate the cancerous flesh from the healthy flesh. Both operations are good. Divorce can be used to kill a righteous marriage, just as a surgeons knife can be used to kill a healthy person.
The Greek word apoluo: is the equivalent of the Hebrew word: shalach.
My second divorce I needed Police report about domestic violence against me. When I asked woman cop at police station for copy she said "sorry, we only give those to the victim". After I stood silent with mouth open did she realize mistake and gave me a copy.
Like I said earlier. You can always find a church that will tell you what you want to hear. Fact remains. God hates divorce.
This bit about womans instinc even though 80% are initiated by woman is a crock too.
Women get horny and just cash out for independence and a little wine and dine is my opinion. Its so easy to do.
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."
~ Zsa Zsa Gabor
"The men of Israel were SEPARATING from their wives for self-gratifying reasons. God Himself was a witness "...
...sounds like women of america today!
I believe women are carried away by whims like the bible also describes.
Good topic. Way too late though. God has done been seperated from americans is the sad part.
For the records, I have not slept with nor been in a relationship with another since my seperation 1 year ago. I have not taken one single nickel of support from my husband of 24 years, while married or seperated.
Go Sc$*W yourself, God knows no decent woman would want a man with your attitude.
Beyond that, we have nothing further to say to each other.