your kids will not forget you. that i can assure you of. do what you can to establish a routine of calling them at an expected, agreed time. be consistent, loving and supportive for them and they will never forget you.
kids are an amazing example of unconditional love.

Erik, has there been ANY paperwork filed for divorce or custody/visitations of the kids? If not, YOU have just as much right to see/spend time with them as she does. Also, it is NOT healthy that she is sleeping with OM with your children present. I would be putting something in the papers that she is NOT allowed to do this when she has the kids.

As far as your kids, if you can't see them daily, can you call & talk to them? Tell them that this is NOT their fault, that YOU love them "UNCONDITIONALLY" & that YOU will ALWAYS be there for them NO MATTER WHAT!~! When you do see them, it is about "quality" time, not quantity. Do special things with them, hug, kiss, & love them. Show/express affection. Also, remember, YOU & your STBX is NOT the only ones going through this. This is VERY hard on the children & they NEED BOTH MOM & DAD MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW!~! Give them the reassurance that they need. Praising them for the "little things" right now will help TREMENDOUSLY & give them a better sense of self-confidence in themselves! I hope this will help you!~!
"Keep Your Chin UP!~!"

god, i hate to share misery, but this is what is killing me. i knew i wasn't alone, but it just feels so awkward. i hope to learn something from this string as well because this has been a real challenge.

I can only imagine how hard this is for men who were actually daddies.

(my stbx was/is not, only cares to try to be now b/c we're going to be divorcing).

For real daddies, you will never be forgotten or replaced unless you allow it.

As long as you have regular visitation (joint custody) and exercise it and tell them you love them, your kids will not lose sight of you.

My stbx stopped doing weekend visitations with his daughter by his first marriage. They grew so few and far between, she never wanted to see him. In letters she would address him as Daddy (his name), not "Daddy".
He ultimately decided to sign his rights over to the OM that his X married, who turned out to be a felonious criminal. He's still in prison.

Anyway, just keep being the same loving father you've always been, don't get caught up in competition, and show love. And you will always be Daddy.

much love to you-

You are an equal parent, unless a court tells you otherwise.

The children will not forget you. Do not allow that to happen.
Maintain weekly contact with them, daily if you can.

My Ex sees the kids almost every day.

You can make the time to talk to them daily, or see them daily.

My ex starts work at 5am.. and still makes the effort to see the kids every day, picks them up from school. Spends a short time with them and has some interaction. Might be walking to the corner store, or going to the library, or just bringing them straight home.

There was a lot of tension and some verbal abuse, intimadation between the children and him, he now realizes that the children will back off and have nothing to do with him if that behaviour was to continue. He will lose them if he does not smarten up.

My Ex takes off all the time on vacations, leaves me to tell the kids he is gone for a month. I hate that.

Continue to be a good dad.
Maintain daily contact. A phone call even.. let them know to call you.. or you will call them. Ask them how their day was etc.. maintain contact.
You are an equal parent.

I have to agree with Cat about the boyfriend and the sleeping over being a negative thing. I would talk to your lawyer about that too. Have some rules.

give them your ALL when you ARE with them. They can never forget their daddy unless you make yourself disappear. then, they will STILL remember but not good...
also I'd check out the single dads community as well.
I hope your frustration reduces and you're able to be 100% when you're with them.

I had to get a job 4 hours from my kids. I do call them every night to say "I love you" and "Goodnight".
She has moved to a new house with her boyfriend, and I really don't want to stand in the way of her starting a new life, it just hurts.
I miss the simple little things so much.

Continue to do the things you always did with your kids as much as possible:

I take teh kids to ALL the kids' movies that come out.

When my stbx tried to take my son for a haircut, he said, "No, only Dad takes me for my haircut."

He received Star Wars Leggos for his bday...he won't open the box till he does them with me this weekend. Two weeks ago, he gave me an unsolicited thank you card for building leggos with him.

My daughter asks me to help her with homework, her hair, etc.

She thanked me for brushing her hair 200x each time..."mom doesn't do that"

Visit certain places, do certain things, play certain games, establish rituals, routines and traditions that are unique to you and your kids to entrench this.

My kids and I used a closed fist and colectively say "Bones" whenever we do something fummy or are enjoying something together.

I attend the class plays, the Field Day, school events, etc...they will remember BECAUSE IT WAS PLEASURABLE, CONSISTENT AND WITH DADDY..THEY ONLY HAVE ONE.

Oh yeah...we also take lots of pictures...just the three of us of everything we do together...I show them months later and they say, "Oh yeah Remember when we...

These pics are also MAILED to them, they are hanging in their lockers at school, framed in their rooms.

I also weekly mail out cartoons I clip from newspaper witha post it attached to one or two of them with a note from me.

I check their HW and remind them to write down OUR last name on the page. I call them at childcare most mornings and say good night on the phone EVERY night.

I recommend books to them that they read, so that one day when they remember a book fondly, Stuart Little (better than film), Little House on the Prairie, Charlotte's Web, they will remember that dad shared them with them and remember those stories fondly.

They only watch tv when with mom and "we do so many things with you dad.

Did I mention they love Origami and arts and crafts with me too. We build, paint, draw, play n laugh - all hands on stuff. We take pics and save. After picking pumpkins and painting them, I told them to take the home; they said no dad, we did this with you; we want them to stay here so you have/see them.

I gave each of them a $2 US bill. They loved it and look at it EVERY TIME they are at my place. Same goes with old 1/2 dollar coins. It doesn't have to be expensive. Teach them. Show them. Expose them to new special things.

Forgetting you is not an option when you do these things.

They will NEVER forget you.

I promise them.

I promise myself.

I promise you.

We have agreed to go to the Empire State Building every year together. We have decided that it is "our landmark". They look for it EVERY time we drive into city and look for it when we walk around the city. They call it "our landmark" and we have agreed should we ever get separated or lost we will meet up and find each other at the Empire State Building.

Sorry but I just keep remembering what I do with them so they remember.

I'm crying now.

Your kids will only forget you if you let it happen. Stay involed, go to teacher conferances, go to their school function. When you have time with them, spend all the time you can with them. Show them you are still one of the parents.

One thing that help me was to explain to my son was, I will always be his dad, not matter if his mother gets married again, that person will only be his mothers husband, not your father. And if I re-marry that person will be nothing but my wife.

Be strong in this, but do it in a way not to make waves. I have found that to be the best.

Being so far away means that I have to miss out on a lot of school functions and things like that. I talk to them about it on the phone and on our weekends, but it's not the same.