Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Ok.I have moved out last thursday.I paid the rent and some utilities before i left so as not to leave her and the kids in a "bad way".I just felt it was the right thing to do.
I have not seen my kids in a week(i know that's short compared to some.sorry)but now she is threatening to file for sole custody of my 4 yr old son w/ only supervised visits for me.No reason justified so not really worried about that.
Question is.She will not allow me to see my son on my "weekends" until she is forced to do so by a court order.She only allows me to talk to them(or so she says)on Tue and Thur nights.(which she has stuck by)yet she still expects me to pay half the day care and "child support" even before it is established.
I realize support does not go hand and hand with "seeing" my son.That's why it is called support but how do i know what to pay for support.I do not have much after everything is paid and i want to be fair but i also don't want to set a precedent that could be detremental to me finacially down the road.Any suggestions? advice? Thanks_Savery1
I have not seen my kids in a week(i know that's short compared to some.sorry)but now she is threatening to file for sole custody of my 4 yr old son w/ only supervised visits for me.No reason justified so not really worried about that.
Question is.She will not allow me to see my son on my "weekends" until she is forced to do so by a court order.She only allows me to talk to them(or so she says)on Tue and Thur nights.(which she has stuck by)yet she still expects me to pay half the day care and "child support" even before it is established.
I realize support does not go hand and hand with "seeing" my son.That's why it is called support but how do i know what to pay for support.I do not have much after everything is paid and i want to be fair but i also don't want to set a precedent that could be detremental to me finacially down the road.Any suggestions? advice? Thanks_Savery1
deleted_user
Savery, is there ANY papers for temporary custody filed yet, or from local law enforcement etc. saying that you can not be around your kids? If not, she has NO right to keep you from your kids. You have just as much right to see them & spend time with them as she does. If I were you, I would be calling my attorney & advising him/her of this matter, like YESTERDAY!~! She is just doing this to hurt you, while she does NOT realize how bad she is really hurting the KIDS!~! GGGRRRRRRR I hate it when people use their kids as a pawn....... She needs to be...... well....... I can't say on the board LOL ;)
deleted_user
Do you have an attorney? He can suggest an amount until the court establishes one. Or else, contact the state department of social services and ask for their income guidelines. They may even be published on a website. It is very loosely interpreted in my state, but it's a place to start. Personally, I think she's a total bitch for keeping you from the kid. It's just not right.
solongbye
Does your state have a mandatory fee set?This can often be found on line and then you could follow the formula and figure out what you would probably be required to pay.
deleted_user
She has not shown me jack in the way of any order.Like i said..i DO get to see them tonight.The bigger question is about the financial responsibilities.Ps.I don't have a lawyer..can't afford the retainer but that's a whole nother issue.Thanks for the advice!
deleted_user
In VA the guidelines are published on their website and all kinds of info on how the formula works. Too technical for me but its a start. Sure other States have a similiar website. In VA there is a minimum regardless of your pay to prevent losers coming into Court saying they dont have a job or any other assets. So VA sets a minimum and if they don't make it then the Jail puts them to work and pays them that way. I heard in WV where I live, that is not true so check with your State. My Support Order is still active in VA--thank God since her dad still lives there.
deleted_user
I would definately check to see if the child support guidelines for your state are available online. Also, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT all of this. Keep it all in a journal. The family court judges do not like to see parents playing keep away with the children. Most of all, keep your head and your focus. She's on top of the heap right now, but there is only one way for her to go at this point. Good luck.
deleted_user
Their is a formula guys.Thanks.It's about what i had figured so that's cool.Now to figure out how to afford a lawyer! Yikes.$1800.00 retainer the few i checked. :(
deleted_user
Savery... see if the lawyer will put a lean on the house. That is what I had to do to retain mine... Just a thought
deleted_user
I'm glad you found what you need. Like I said-it's just a guidline as they take into consideration things like insurance, etc. But at least it's a start for you. Yes, an attorney would be helpful especially if she starts pulling crap about visitation. You might even just call the department of social services and see about some temporary arrangements if possible.
deleted_user
I agree, make sure you doument everything. When she does file for suport you will need to prove what you have provided to the household. Make copies of the checks you write for any household bills. In my state when someone files for child support there is an area that the custodial parent can give credit for monies recieved,(chances are she will not give you any) And by no means give you STBX cash of any sort, its not trackable and chances are she will not admit to recieving it. Cover all your bases and keep record of all conversations you have with her reguarding the children (denials of visitation ect.) Make every effort within reason to see your children. As much as you miss them, they are missing you more. Good luck and keep a level head at all times, you will shine the brightest in the end.
deleted_user
Thanks everyone.:)
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