We can only hope that eventually they feel our pain (if not more).

At first no, they have no grief for their actions. Eventually, it will hit them. Then it is too late. I can say this from experience with my ex. He is feeling it now. A little too late.

Mine doesn't. She denies cheating in one breath, then tries to blame me for it the next.

In my situation, I don't feel my husband has truly grieved, because he is only thinking of himself which is how he got in the situation that he did.So, that is a big part of why I'm divorcing him.If you don't see true remorse from the "cheater" then what's the point?

I dont think those that cheat will admit it until, for whatever reason, they want you back. Still, they probably wont even tell you then.

Mine still denies it and even though she is living with him, she says "he is just a friend". I find it funny, especially when she tells "other" people her and he have been together for "this" amount of time. Doing the math, her and I were still together based on what she says.

Selfishness. That's probably a big one.

Why Affairs Happen: taken from www.dearpeggy.com

There is no one reason for an affair.
The reasons for any affair are a combination of 3 different kinds of factors.

Factors that PUSH people into affairs (problems/faults/shortcomings of individuals or relationship).
Factors that PULL people into affairs (excitement, curiosity, enhanced self-image, "falling in love").
Societal factors that contribute to affairs (fascination with affairs, using sex to sell, deception learned as teens due to our inability to talk honestly about sexual issues, and the secrecy surrounding this issue that serves to protect those having affairs from dealing with the consequences of their actions).

Mine doesn't...and I've read some posts here from people who admitted to cheating. They all seem to have an "excuse"...you know "I was bored", "he did it first", "she did it first". Personally I don't care if they feel any grief. All I see is the grief they have caused. What they should feel is remorse and shame!

I agree with courrier. I don't care if they feel grief or not. All i can see is the hurt and pain they have caused by their actions!

Wow - This hits close to home. I have been married for many years. I have to say that the majority of time was because of the children, very cliche'. We consistently threatened divorce, we separated, we fought terribly, with that said - I am the cheater. I did not cheat until after I moved out and she is not the catalyst for the end of our marriage. So, with the questions, I feel grief and more so guilt - guilt is the killer with me. However, not because I left my wife, but because how she is reacting as well as I hate the fact that I don't have my children under my roof 24/7 as I used to. I have been separated for over four months, still in the same relationship, so still cheating and I still feel guilty, probably more now than the past because my marriage is ending; finality (final decree in December). I did not leave the marriage to cheat, I left to leave and in turn made a friend who became more and who has helped me dramatically. I was cheated on by my wife a year ago and I was indifferent to it because I knew what was to come about with our marriage. The hardest part, even for a cheater or the innocent party in the marriage is the breakup of normalcy, even if that normalcy was not healthy for any party involved - especially the children. To philander is wrong and if I were to do it different today, I would have delayed any involvement with a woman until well after the final decree; because once that label has been added, no matter what, that (cheating) is the focal point, not the failed marriage that had been in the works for some time. With guilt, even if there was not another woman, I would feel just as guilty about leaving the home (my children); but the other woman has helped and made sure that I have not drifted too much into dangerous territory of depression. Today, I live my life for my children - They are what I see every minute. I am sorry that you have been hurt, I could imagine the pain of a loved one partaking in that activity.

Sometimes I wonder if I should chime in in this issue. When I feel it's necessary I admit to having strayed in my marriage. On of the posts suggest there is no reason for cheating. Well, I disagree. It was purely selfish. I don't feel guilty nor do I beat myself up. I was beating myself up BEFORE I did it. I was hurting before I did it. I dare not speak for others. I speak for myself. Later in my marriage my husband cheated. I would have been angry with him because I was busting my ass in our marriage.But, it was really hard to understand how he could be so foolish to make a child outside of the marriage. Our marriage could have survived cheating because we were really hurting. Lot's of marriages can survive cheating.

wish i knew the answers to your questions :-/