Ok so i know this all may sound ridiculous but here it goes anyways... I dated this guy my freshman year of college, he was my first real boyfriend and the first guy I ever slept with. He treated me write, always knew how to make me smile and was always there for me when I needed a shoulder as I was for him. However he is four years older than me and got a job offer working on cruise ships traveling the world. Being a little older and wiser, he decided to end our relationship after six months even though he wasn't leaving for another 7, he didn't want to get too attached before he left and then risk our relationship. I never forgot him. A year went by and I finally began dating again. This guy was a real loser, he lied to me that even graduated from high school and then lied to me about the fact that he didn't even have a GED. What did I do, stuck by him then in the end lies became more lies and I had enough after 5 months. Then a year later I see guy number one, he was home for a few weeks and came up to the college to visit. Old feelings were lit and we spent the night together. That night he told me that he still cared about me, the next morning he walked me out to my car and kissed me good bye. That was really hard to deal with, then after that i left and went abroad for a semester. I came home and began dating a new guy, he was amazing, or at least I thought so, at first. I was absolutely in love and talked about getting married and all of that. Long story short another liar, he didn't have a job like he told me got fired from the previous one and even went so far as to leave and return to my house in work clothes not to let me find out for 4 months so that went down the drain, I went back to Europe for another semester. There were two other short relationships that I would call just that short and pointless they didn't go . All the while I have guy number one in the back of my mind through all of these relationships. We all ways kept talking, always kept in touch, flirt and talk about the good old days. I miss him, I miss him everyday. I anticipate his emails, I worry about where he is and what he is doing. He knows how I feel about him and he says "we have something special and that he cares about me." But we both know that while he is working on these ships its going to be impossible. I miss him extraordinarily, but how long can a girl wait? He is going to be on these ships for at least another year or two. I myself am only 22 and I know that seems young, but am I supposed to just sit and wait for him for these next years and pray that when its all said and done that he comes looking for me. OR do I move one, and that's another thing I don't have the best track record, but will I find someone as good or better than him? I know I have officially put him on a mantel. But what do I do? There has not been one that has gone by since the day that I meet him that I haven't thought about him and where he is and what he is doing and if he is thinking of me. I love him. But what am I supposed to do wait around forever? And if not how do I move on I can't seem to let go and I compare every guy to him. It kills me, I am confused and all I want to do is see him. I talk to him regularly via IM and email but haven't seen him in person in about a year and a half now. I miss him and I am really confused.
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