I have been in your situation, with the exception that I cried my eyes out every day for 1-1/2 months. Lost 25 lbs., couldn't sleep, though, the same as you. All I could think of was this is so much my fault (which I still believe is partially true), but I have come this far gaining the knowledge from others that it really is a two-way street to the demise of a marriage--one person is giving and the other taking a certain percentage. I have been separated from my husband now for 4 months after 19 years of marriage, but we are trying to reconcile. It won't be easy, however, and both of us realize that each of us has played a part in the damage and have accepted that it will take much counseling in our situation. We both still love each other, though. The only advice I can give you is to hang in there--you have to go through it--there is no other way, but you will be stronger coming out on the other side. I never thought I could be strong at all (I felt like a weakling even in the marriage), but feel I have gained some strength to stand on my own and have my own place to live now and sleep alone. I would never have believed before I went through these last 4 months that I would be where I am today. I still have a ways to go in healing, though, whether my husband and I stay together or not.

went though it-lost wieght-no-sleep-now it just the obsession-it is all i think about-he does't seem to think about it at all-wish i could do that-time-that's what everyone says

Still after 10mth it is hard but just go with the flow and time will heal. Everyone told me that time would heal and i feel i am getting there ,use this site and talk to others .Thinking of you through these hard times

Julik:

You have a lovely name and look like an up type of person. I may be too much of a newbe to give advice but here it is; hopefully to help.

To me; it sounds like you have it together and will deal with this, although there is lots of pain. Time does help resolve the promlems but that isn't an answer you need to hear.

Boot this guy out of your life and you can control the situation. Its the first step in you being the boss of this seperation. When you make the decision it makes Julik the manager.

I am too nice and waited much too long, making the pain almost unbearable. My youngest daughter of 16 knew it was wrong from the beginning; having more sense than I.

Focus on other family or contact family/friends who need you. Getting out of yourself is difficult but does the trick.

Now I can tell you; my gripping pain is due to me not doing what I just told you.

I think people don't want to hear it but it is like a search for those that do and following their advice.

Bury yourself in the faith inside you. Chi Gung is a low impact type of Tai Chi. Keep the adrenaline down and calm up.

My first wife of 30 years passed away, leaving me some lovely children. This wife of 4.5 years hurt us terribly. Now I will do all I can to give my 16 year old the credit she deserves for braving her mothers death since age 11. There has to be a story in your life also and this seems to be the place to let it out.

Maybe I am starting this backwards but its a beginning.

It all looks so big but the little things can be let go for awhile or forever. Make relaxing a full time job.

Jon
jon.schoen@mchsi.com

i know how you feel...my x did unspeakable things....yet i still have my bad nigths....and it's been 9 months...it just takes time....that's all i can tell ya....if i look at me 6 months ago...or even 3 months ago....my distress now seems like nothing....you'll get there...it's a grieving process and we all have to just get through in our own tiem...there is no magic answer or cure....just learn to love yourself again...

its pretty sad but I just printed out an "how to get over a break up" sheet. Its some pretty obvious common sense things but i couldnt think of them for anything in the world.

I understand what you are going through, I am going through it right now. Its been 3 days since I found out my babys father is sleepin with sum1 else. The day we were supposed to go to family therapy I caught him.

Talk about it. I cant stress this enough, I dont stop talking about it. Its helping tremendously. Write about it, write everything and leave no emotion unwritten. I exercise like a addict I lost 15 pounds in the past week. (3 hours a day)

Thats really everything I do. The sleep thing I havent got it down but I have a 4 year old and work midnights so Im pretty used to no sleep. Just keep busy sweetie. Thats my solution.

It's only been 2 months since seperating. She filed for divorce 2.5 months ago. In Iowa it takes 4-10 months to get divorced. I want it over with so I can have my share of the house and other things.

I'm 57 and lived with my first wife for 30 years. I lived with this wife for 4.5 years. Living with my 16 year old is difficult because I'fe had a partner for 34.5 years. As I said before; my first wife passed away (Cindi) This wife (Jan) I do love and we were married too soon. There is a time gap there of 8 months, but Jan and I lived together before marrying.

Sleeping, eating and crying are almost impossible because I do live alone. It is so difficult to get used even with counseling and antidepressants.

I get up in the morning, realizing she isn't there and shake, drink coffee and smofe for several hours. I had almost quit smoking. I think I've lost 55 lbs in 5 years, since Cindi passed away. I needed to loose a little but the stress overwhelmed me.

Jon Schoen
jon.schoen@mchsi.com