It's been 2 weeks since he said he had leased a place for a year and was moving out - still nearly 3 weeks before that happens. We've been having difficulty for 6 months, did counseling, I finally worked through it all and can choose to love him again. He is depresed (really can't handle ANY anger or conflict). I thought we were moving this and things were getting better. Then when I really started giving him what he wanted - real affection, no feelings of any anger, affection, he walled up, and shortly after said he wanted out - would not continue with counseling nothing. I'm feeling so confused, I don't get it. Now I'm obsessing. There is no talking him out of it. I haven't been able to eat - lost 25 pounds in a couple of months, stomach is constantly in a know, haven't had more than 3 hours sleep at a time, no more than 4-1/2 hours sleep for any time. And I can't cry other than in the therapist office and even that is controlled. I so afraid that if I really start crying, I don't know what will happen. Daily at work I go through the motions which does help, I do meditation and Tai Chi 2 times per week which help, but other than that I just obsess with the situation. I know I'll HAVE to move on once he's out of here, but not sure how I'm holding it together. So many fears and sorrow. I really want to move on (really I want to go back to where we were once happy.)
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??