
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

julik
It's been 2 weeks since he said he had leased a place for a year and was moving out - still nearly 3 weeks before that happens. We've been having difficulty for 6 months, did counseling, I finally worked through it all and can choose to love him again. He is depresed (really can't handle ANY anger or conflict). I thought we were moving this and things were getting better. Then when I really started giving him what he wanted - real affection, no feelings of any anger, affection, he walled up, and shortly after said he wanted out - would not continue with counseling nothing. I'm feeling so confused, I don't get it. Now I'm obsessing. There is no talking him out of it. I haven't been able to eat - lost 25 pounds in a couple of months, stomach is constantly in a know, haven't had more than 3 hours sleep at a time, no more than 4-1/2 hours sleep for any time. And I can't cry other than in the therapist office and even that is controlled. I so afraid that if I really start crying, I don't know what will happen. Daily at work I go through the motions which does help, I do meditation and Tai Chi 2 times per week which help, but other than that I just obsess with the situation. I know I'll HAVE to move on once he's out of here, but not sure how I'm holding it together. So many fears and sorrow. I really want to move on (really I want to go back to where we were once happy.)
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You have a lovely name and look like an up type of person. I may be too much of a newbe to give advice but here it is; hopefully to help.
To me; it sounds like you have it together and will deal with this, although there is lots of pain. Time does help resolve the promlems but that isn't an answer you need to hear.
Boot this guy out of your life and you can control the situation. Its the first step in you being the boss of this seperation. When you make the decision it makes Julik the manager.
I am too nice and waited much too long, making the pain almost unbearable. My youngest daughter of 16 knew it was wrong from the beginning; having more sense than I.
Focus on other family or contact family/friends who need you. Getting out of yourself is difficult but does the trick.
Now I can tell you; my gripping pain is due to me not doing what I just told you.
I think people don't want to hear it but it is like a search for those that do and following their advice.
Bury yourself in the faith inside you. Chi Gung is a low impact type of Tai Chi. Keep the adrenaline down and calm up.
My first wife of 30 years passed away, leaving me some lovely children. This wife of 4.5 years hurt us terribly. Now I will do all I can to give my 16 year old the credit she deserves for braving her mothers death since age 11. There has to be a story in your life also and this seems to be the place to let it out.
Maybe I am starting this backwards but its a beginning.
It all looks so big but the little things can be let go for awhile or forever. Make relaxing a full time job.
Jon
jon.schoen@mchsi.com
I understand what you are going through, I am going through it right now. Its been 3 days since I found out my babys father is sleepin with sum1 else. The day we were supposed to go to family therapy I caught him.
Talk about it. I cant stress this enough, I dont stop talking about it. Its helping tremendously. Write about it, write everything and leave no emotion unwritten. I exercise like a addict I lost 15 pounds in the past week. (3 hours a day)
Thats really everything I do. The sleep thing I havent got it down but I have a 4 year old and work midnights so Im pretty used to no sleep. Just keep busy sweetie. Thats my solution.
I'm 57 and lived with my first wife for 30 years. I lived with this wife for 4.5 years. Living with my 16 year old is difficult because I'fe had a partner for 34.5 years. As I said before; my first wife passed away (Cindi) This wife (Jan) I do love and we were married too soon. There is a time gap there of 8 months, but Jan and I lived together before marrying.
Sleeping, eating and crying are almost impossible because I do live alone. It is so difficult to get used even with counseling and antidepressants.
I get up in the morning, realizing she isn't there and shake, drink coffee and smofe for several hours. I had almost quit smoking. I think I've lost 55 lbs in 5 years, since Cindi passed away. I needed to loose a little but the stress overwhelmed me.
Jon Schoen
jon.schoen@mchsi.com