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Can't decide

deleted_user
deleted_user
My husband is keeping our home, which I cannot afford on my own. So I am forced to move out and find a new place to live. The home that we are currently in is very nice, great neighborhood, great schools. We moved there so our daughter could have a good life. I can't afford a great place in a great neighborhood. I can afford a nice house in a not great area not great school. Or as my stbx demands, keep her in the school where she is and that I would be responsible for driving her there and back everyday, which is a problem especially if I take on a second job. Of course if I move to a good neighborhood good schools that would be ok with him, but he doesn't want to give me more money so that is possible. It may be the only way I can keep her in a nice place would be to share a house with my parents. I know it has advantages, the biggest of course is that my daughter would be well taken care of, I could take on another job or go back to school and have their support and I could actually save money and still afford to do fun things with my daughter, maybe even a vacation. On the other hand, I am 40 and hate, hate, hate the thought of having to live with them. Everyone keeps telling me to discover who I am without my husband, I don't know if I can do that while living with my parents. I know this would be somewhat temporary and probably best for my daughter but not best for me. I have always put my daughter first, part of the problem in my marriage, should I swallow my pride and accept their offer or try to make it on my own?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Of course it would be best if you could make it without your parents, but they are our support lines at times like this. In your position, I'd move in with them, temporarily. Save my money, go back to school, get to a place where I could be independent in a good way, and then thank them soooo much for being there for you. Be so thankful right now that you have that choice, I know of so many others that don't.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Shanona is right.It will be dificult to move back with your parents. But your daughter is the most important thing in your life. I've always put my 2 before anybody else. Even my ex. She is still living in the house and I'm living on a friends boat because of my kids. I don't want to disrupt their lives too much. Not that wont happen, my son already wants to live with Daddy, and the house is going on the market. There could be worse things/places. Your parents love you and you need that. At least your parents will take you in, Not mine. Be happy for the surport there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Rayne, I think Shanona and Steve both make very good points. You know as parents we want the best we can provide for our children. Talk to your parents and let them know your concerns. Parental love is unconditional, or should be. It's a LOVE thing, not a pride thing. Good luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Look at the move with your parents as a stepping stone for all the reasons you pointed out. Take it little by little and if that's what it takes for your children to be in a good neighborhood and good schools FOR NOW then that seems reasonable and sensible. Be careful because a very good friend of mine lost custody of her child (she never drinks and never ever drugs) and one of the arguments her ex made was that there were better schools where he lived (in NJ this can be a valid cause for a custody change). Add to the fact that he's a Sargent at a police dept and the judge was biased as was the psychologist because they all work together in the same county. Clearly a conflict of interest but that will all work out in the appeal stage. My point is be careful, and do what you have to do and remember each stage of the way that it's "for now"... Good luck =^.^=
deleted_user
deleted_user
Everyone's right. The parent thing may be best for your little girl. I survived it and you can too. After my x left, and I couldn't afford our house, I moved us in with them. I didn't realize how lonely and depressed I was until I had someone there to lean on. In all we lived there for 10 months. There were good times and bad times, but in the end I don't regret it.

Why? It allowed this:
- I healed as a person.
- My kids are SO close to their grandparents.
- I was able to pay off bills and save money, which meant I could afford a better/nicer place when I did eventually move out.

It was hard, but it was the best thing at the time.
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