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CAN'T BE BOTHERED LIST - do kids make a difference

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was wondering how many of you out there who have split from a marriage or LTR are having the same problem as me. It's being 4 months now since the split and I STILL CAN'T DO ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

Can't be bothered to wash my clothes anymore...7 years of doing it for US has left a bitter taste in my mouth for such things, just keep buying new underware and cloths as I need them...waste of money

Can't cook...7 years of preparing a 2 coarse meal everynight as meant that I now hate the sight of fresh ingrediants. Now eat a retruants and out at friends.

Can't be bothered to wash my hair...7 years of being told off if I did not wash my hair everyday as led me to jsut let it go greasy if I want to.

I'm sure there's lots more...

But do kids make a difference since you still ahve to keep up these things if u have them? It would be good to see how those with and those without kids respond...just wondering if those with kids hold it together better then those without or just can't be bothered about different things???
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have two kids - and you are correct in assuming I would not allow myself to collapse for the sake of holding it together for my kids.

I hope you don't mind this comment but I think by allowing your prior relationship to govern you current behavior, you're still allowing someone else to control you. Do what you want - don't do something because you know someone in your past wanted you to do something else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have 3 kids and I have to really force myself to do certain things such as shower, laundry (I get everything washed weekly, it just doesn't get put away), grocery shopping. I have no choice as there is nobody else to do it. And cooking??? They have to be fed of course but being that they are all under 8 they are pretty picky so I no longer go to the trouble of real meals. I do alot of chicken nuggets, mac&cheese, pasta. But with all the running around there is alot more eating out - not good on the financial end. And alot more dinners with my parents. It's pretty difficult to spend the time cooking when they need my attention, and then more aggravating when they don't eat it anyway.
deleted_user
deleted_user
If this has been going on for 4 months, you may want to talk to a professional. And it's cheaper to drop off the clothes at the laundromat to be washed instead of getting new ones.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The only thing I don't do like I used to is cook and that is just because of time.
Also, my kids are young and get so much fast food with their dad they don't appreciate a good meal anymore. I to do a lot of mac n cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, etc. I do cook but just not like i used to. If I cook it seems like there are way too many leftovers no matter how small I make the meals. Don't let you ex control you life. Get in the shower, fix your hair and put on some make-up, once you start feeling better about yourself you will start moving forward.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Kinoka. If you get up and make yourself do these things you will eventually feel a lot better. There are still days when I can't get motivated to do a darn thing and I give myself a break on those days but those days are becoming fewer and further apart.

And yes, with kids, you are forced to do things you would rather not, but it's better in the long run. I think keeping yourself busy helps to work through the pain a little faster.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am struggling to keep up with everything as well. I always had everything under control and now everything is out of control.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I must admit even with kids, I tend to let things slump a bit. (Like today, here I sit when I ought to be doing more around the house and with the kids.) But I know its temporary, and I have come a long way in NOT letting every emotional outburst I have dictate what I must do. The night after our last fight (that would be monday) STBX and I were making the deisicion to end this relationship. I wanted to run out and just leave for a few hours. Then the power went off, and I COULDNT leave my kids with no power, no dinner, just for me to have a melt down! I regret to say, this wasnt always true of me! But hey, wasnt there a post about being honest? And, as I have said, when I do slump, I make sure the kids have what they need. (and right now my 3 year old needs a good spanking!!!)
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry about that 3 year old comment. LOL! Just as I was finishing that post, my children who are eating lunch, just got an eating utensil shot at them from the 3 year old! He is a booger! He has been in the habit of throwing things lately. I dont let him get away with it, but boy its hard controlling what he does sometimes! OY!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am not sure if this will cheer you up Whatever4,but I have two boys,now 11 and15 they are still throwing things in the house and I am still yelling at them.LOL
deleted_user
deleted_user
LOL! That DID make me laugh! No wonder we mothers and wives loose it!!!

Im going crazy! But, I'll be right back, so stay tuned!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks everyone, I do not see it as too much of a problem, when I am ready to do it again for myself I will. He is not ruling mylife, I just can't be bothered to do these things any more not for myself or anyone else, I suppose I have room for such indulgences, not having children.

I have not let myself go, if any thing I have smartened and sexied myself up...new wardrobe rather than washing stuff.

The cooking thing is thing is the true bother for me...but i will come back!

I just wondered if those with children had the same feelings but could not let themselves go and be as self indulgent as those without children and if this led to a quicker recovery. Because when u have nothing but yourself to spur you on it's easy to just fall into a trap.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes Toogan, kids do force you to get out of bed, take a shower and go to work. I only see my daughter every other weekend, but I get out of bed, shower , shave , and go to work everyday. I am not sure I would were it not for her...did that make sense?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Joordens, you crack me up! My son slams doors. So when do they outgrow this? huh?
deleted_user
deleted_user
toogen: yes, I had days when I couldn't seem to get it together at all, but I heard something recently that helped me. It was a story about the "pit" - if we LOOK over the "pit" it is easier to get past it, but if we look into the "pit" we get sidetracked by thinking how dark and deep it is. SO today, try looking forward past this point, focus on one small thing. Like taking a walk or eating your favorite food or watching your favorite movie. The "pit" will go away after time (it gets smaller and smaller the more your look past it). and we are here for you. take-care of YOU today.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you strong again...after posting this yeaterday I did do my washing last night so, I must have had to see it outside myself so to speak.

Thanks Guys for allowing me my indulgences lol
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