I cried like that at church too. I am not particularly religious, but was finding comfort in being in such a safe place. Could not explain crying like a baby and could not control it.

Regarding him, distance yourself physically and emotionally as far as possible from him. Also seek information from a battered women's counselor. The important things are to take care of your mental health and the safety of you and your children.

I'll say a little prayer for you. Can't hurt.

You are handling it. You have to let the emotions come and go you really don't have control over that. What you do have control over are your actions.

Laugh when you feel like itband cry when you feel like it. Just DO what you need to to keep going in the right direction.

You are where you need to be and that is away from someone who doesn't love you. The mental and or physical abuse is bad enuogh but they kill your soul and that to me is unacceptable.

I have been working with a woman's advocay group for like a year the first one was really supportive then i moved into a new county and the one i'm working with now sucks they are not helpfull at all and basically make me feel hopeless.

Have you looked for any local support groups? You need all the help you can get right now and you need advice about how to deal with him.

Hope you find the help you need and deserve. I'll be thinking about you. Keep us posted, please.

Even though i don't know the anwers to your questions, as I am going through a painful breakup myself. I feel how you feel smaquire, I totally understand what it's like when you are on an emotional rollercoaster, and just break down every now and then. Sometimes we just can't control ourselves and we should allow to just get it all out.

I am trying very hard liek Bert55 suggested to distance myself physically from my ex-bf, I say a little affirmation to myself every morning "today is going to be a happy day where i will be strong and live for myself."

I can only pray for you and for myself.

i know this analogy is a little different from when you know someone or have been in a relationship with them.

ok, how would we react to a stranger that mistreated us? we would not accept that behavior or it being a stranger, we would never see them again.

how would we react if a co-worker mistreated us, well we would have to report it to the boss or speak to them and let them know it's not acceptable.

how would we react if a friend or sibling treated us like that, we sure as heck would stick up for ourselves or choose not to be around them.

you are going to have to be straight forward and blunt with this man, and this is not easy, cut off all contact until he can treat you with respect. until he can speak to you without causing you distress, and until he can stop making you and your childrens lives miserable. cut him off cold.

if we would not let the people i have mentioned treat us in an unappropriate manner, treat the spouse or ex spouse the same way.

you deserve to be treated with respect and to be treated appropriately. and your children deserve to be respected and treated in an environment that does not cause them stress.

do your best. hang in there. we are all here for you.

phil 4 6-8
ask God
feel the strength
know he loves you

This will get better as long as you stay away from him. Didn't he tell your family that you got a protective order against him? If he has threatened to kill you, please!!!! get the protective order. I work with children who have gone through tough times. Two of the kids arebeing counseled because their father killed their mother. Both of them say that their father threatened that he would kill her when he was mad, but they never thought he would really do it. When she left him, he hunted her down and made good on his threats.

Another child that I work with has a similar situation. Her father would tell her mom that he was going to kill her - again when he was mad only. One day, he locked her in her bedroom and tried to kill her. He just got out of prision for attempted murder and he is still trying to hunt her down. We have an order from the police not to give him any information. Do whatever you have to do to be safe. By the way, men who physically and sexually abuse their spouses are mcuh more likely to kill them. Please be safe. Don't underestimate him. Abusers need to feel like they are in control. He isn't in control right now and that may be very dangerous for you.

I have been emotionally detached from this man for a long time. I haven't loved him in i can't remember when. I had been planning on moving out for almost a year I had to save up the money and when he threw me and my kids out it was only days before I was going to leave him anyway. I have not had contact with him I refuse to get pulled back into his missery. But we have a 3 year old child together. He has told our child that Mommy dosen't love him only daddy dose. He has had visits with our child but filed the divorce papers saying that i have not allowed him to see his child and that I am hindering the well being of our child and that i'm an unfit parent. He has had his family memebers follow me and call me. I got a protection order which also granted me tempory sole custody after he got drunk and called me at 2 am. He won't leave me alone and he is really hurting our son.

I too work with abused children some who have gone through these things. My TBX has pointed a gun at me and pretended he was shooting. He has said things to my 3 year old like lets throw mommy off the bridge and get a new moommy one that isn't a bitch. The problem is i have no proof My 8 year old has witnessed this but they frown upon kids in the court room my 8 year old is not his son and he is terrified that my STBX is coming to get me and he is going to take his brother away.

Dear God Honey! Run, run, run, run!

I am sorry that you have lived with that kind of misery. It doesn't suprise me that he kick you our right before you were going to leave. He has to have control. Run!

Get an attorney and a restraining order. I cried like that in the beginning. I really thought I would not stop, I also cried once until I thought I was going to be sick. Coming out of denial is a hard part of this journey just stick with us here on DS. those that have gone through it are hear to help
blessings

I have no money at all I'm not getting any support and every lawyer I have talked to wants money up front they will sue him or ask the judge to pay for it during the divorce but I have to pay it up front then get reembursed. I can barely pay my bills. He is saying that he is not working but he is self employed and makes like a 1000 a week and he had no problem hireing and paying for a lawyer. I'm trying to get a lawyer through the volunteer lawyers project but I can't even get through to them. We go to court on december 5th for the protection order hearing to have it made permanant. Get this i keep calling the STate police to find out if he has been served yet which he hasn't and the POA dosen't become effective till they actually serve him with it. I was granted it on wednesday and i recieved it inthe mail on thursday they said they still hadn't recieved it on saturday and that even if they did they wouldn't try serveing him till monday? WTF untill then he can kidnap our son or come to my residence or anything he wants and they won't arrest him because he wouldn't be in violation at that point.

Thanks everyone for your support